Dear Annoying co-traveller


My dearest, annoying co-traveller,

When it is time to disembark from the airplane, please do so efficiently. We, your fellow passengers sitting behind you, and to your side, specifically request you not wait until your row has exited, then immediately block everyone else from exiting the plane while you dash back two rows to clamour into the overhead bins to retrieve your overstuffed rollerbag that took up all of the bin because you stuffed it up there with a sledgehammer and wedge.

We kindly ask you to wait until people in your row and the several rows behind you, but in front of your luggage, exit the plane, then move back a few rows, one at a time, as space opens up between other passengers exiting the plane.

Should your luggage be in the bin opposite your row, and you were unable to retrieve it before your row started exiting, once again, we request you wait a few moments. Do not, under any circumstances, believe it is okay to knock the woman exiting the row opposite you in the head with your elbow while causally murmurring "excuse me," and reaching into the overhead bin for your bag.

As you are doing this, the row across from you and the remaining 15 rows behind you are all waiting for you to hurry with your bag. The 20 seconds you take to retrieve your bag while placing your well-travelled butt in everyone's way may not seem like a particularly long time to wait for any individual person. However, on a full flight, that 20 seconds translates into (20 seconds * 15.5 rows * 6 people per row * 1 minute for 60 seconds) = 31 minutes of combined lost time for the remaining passengers on the plane.

Do you know what we could have done with those 31 minutes?

I assure you, watching you fumble with your four bags was not at the top of our list.

So, next time, seriously, wait 60 seconds until a gap forms in the line of exiting passengers before you bowl your way over to the overhead bin.

It'll save me from needing ice for the lump on my head next time.

Sincerely,

Passengers of Flight 2657