Doing This RIght

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I Keep Doing This Wrong

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I swear, I keep doing this speaking thing wrong.

ONCE AGAIN (how many times am I going to do this?) I miss where all the speakers are sitting, and I sit off by myself.

ONCE AGAIN (how many times am I going to do this?) I miss the opportunity to bond over butterflies and nerves and nausea as we wait for our speaking slot.

ONCE AGAIN (how many times am I going to do this?) I miss the chance to relax into the understanding of other speakers post-talk.

I keep doing this and it keeps frustrating me.

My biggest goof was Webstock 2012, no one told me there was an entire cordoned off section for speakers where the group of them all bonded. I sat in the second level balcony alone, in tears because I had no feedback about my talk, I didn't know if I had done even remotely okay.

My latest goof was today.

Upside, the other speakers helped me recover. They came up to talk with me after my FIRST EVER KEYNOTE. SQUEEEEE!

Thirds

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"How do you split a rectangle into thirds?"

"Well, you could cut from the center of the rectangle to the middle of one of the long sides, then from the center out at an angle that isn't really 120˚ from the previous cut..."

"What would that angle be?"

"Um... You could cut it in half and redefine equal."

"..."

"Or, cut it into quarters, we each take a piece, and wrestle for the last one."

"Let's go with that."

Blimey Limey!

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About that Hamstring

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One of the items on my 2019 Goals Bingo card is "Play in an Ultimate tournament." I haven't played ultimate in a year. When I did play (on a broken toe), I managed to jam my right big toe so badly that I believe I tore a ligament, maybe two. Before that, I hadn't played in four or so years, and now I can't run more than 100m before I have problems with my hamstring.

My hamstring.

The f'ing hamstring I pulled twelve fucking years ago, STILL f'ing giving me problems.

Of course, my thoughts now when I pull something, break something, tear something, injure yet another something involve trying to determine if this is a temporary injury, or, "Welp, that one's going to be with me for the rest of my life." Falling down the stairs and pulling a shoulder ligament? Yeah, that one's with me until I die. The little toe break from last year? Who the fuck breaks a little toe? Yeah, this girl.

Anyway, I want play in an ultimate tournament this year, even if it is some pickup team at some small didn't-make-regionals tournament, I don't care. I want to play.

And that hamstring is stopping me.

Except I am no longer convinced the problem is my hamstring. I was telling myself the story about how my hamstring weakened and in the weakening lost the supporting muscle that kept everything in line and the injury quelled.

But what if I'm wrong?

What if the problems I have, the intense pain ALL THE TIME in my hamstring, the inability to sit still (well, have always had that one), the sudden weakness in the hamstring when I'm running, the inability to sprint, what if it isn't my hamstring, but something else?

Say, something along the lines of the commonly know (dun dun DUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN) ... sciatica?

Fits the symptoms. Could be I'm "normal" (for some definition of "normal"). Could be....

And so, today I begin my journey back to the ultimate field, fuck this fucking injury. I looked up the stretches, managed all six, noticed that, uh, hey, I have lost a lot of flexibility, better not rush that process. I added these stretches to my daily routine, just after the 108 soon to be 126 daily pushups. And I figured out, I can read or put on my current earworm on repeat, and be productive while on the road back to breaking myself in old and interesting ways.

The Murder of Roger Ackroyd

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