If I had me one of those

I'm always entertained by what people think they would do if they had the equipment of the opposite gender. Men invariably say, "If I had two boobs, I'd never leave the house." Women say pretty much the same, "If I had a penis, I'd never leave the house." The assumption being they would be so thrilled at this new piece of equipment, they would just play with it all day, entertaining themselves.

Me? First thing I'd do if I had a penis?

I'd write my name in the snow.