Blog Yeah, kitt finished writing this at 17:58 on 18 January 2005
"If we weren't responsible adults, we would have had a sexual relationship."A friend of several years recently made that comment to me during a close, late night conversation. It's stuck with me, and inspired the most recent "Letters to my Children" entry, "Crushes Are Okay, Your Actions Are What Matter." I'm convinced everyone crushes and experiences that semi-obsessive thinking of someone, full of imaginings of and perhaps longing for the company of the object of crush. Lisa and I talked about crushes, about how they're normal, about as long as you recognize them for what they are, and don't do anything more than enjoy them, they can also be healthy. Crushes can be small, lasting a meal or a day, or they can be overwhelming, lasting months, years or lifetimes. Yes, lifetimes. A retired friend of mine, who is in his seventies, has had a crush on a friend of his for near fifty years, most of his lifetime. Oh, sure, as adults we call it "respect" and not "desire." But it's the same thing: a crush. And having them is okay. If you enjoy the crush, feel the sexual tension, enjoy the company, and let it go at that, they can be wonderful. They can remind us of the joys of falling in love (on a smaller scale, but similar none-the-less), those giggly moments when little matters but that happy-little-flip-flop. Because what is important is your reactions to the crush: what you do or don't do about them. Actually having them isn't important: they're normal. Trying to suppress them is nigh impossible, like trying to stop an avalanche mid-fall: it ain't gonna happen. So, my friend's comment was dead on: we would have had a sexual relationship if both of us had been single at the same time. And it would have been a lot of fun. Imagining what would have happened is also okay, because I know, in the end, it won't be my friend who I go home to, who I sleep with, who I snuggle at night. It'll be Kris, my best friend.