Last names


What is it like to change your last name when you marry? As much as I love Kris, as much happiness and joy (and frustration) and entertainment and fun he brings me, I can't imagine taking his last name as my last name. I decided a while ago that I would adjust my name so that I have his last name as my middle name and drop my first name, which isn't much as it's only a letter. Maybe losing one letter isn't exactly the sacrifice I could make it out to be, but it will change my initials from MKH to KMH.

Huh, look at that.

KMH looks really weird.

I don't understand, however, taking his last name as my last name. Which isn't to say I begrudge any of my friends the name change. If they want to take his name, have at it. I have a male friend who changed his last name when he married, though not, admittedly, to her name. They both chose a new last name, figuring if one had to change her name, he would, too.

Society accepts a woman's name change to her husband's last name at marriage. It's still a mostly accepted action. Exceptions occur when a woman has a professional identity (published work, doctorate degree, established), yet even then not changing a name is done with an apology ("I was already established under my maiden name.").

Yet, this doesn't make sense. Why would I want to lose my identity, my name, the name my mother or father gave me? Why would I subjugate my name, regardless of how much I loved him? Why would I go through the effort of erasing my life up until marriage with the name change? The more established you are, the harder it is.

Regardless, it's an effort the woman does, to lose herself in her husband's identity.


Or rather, why bother?

Of course, if my last name sucked, I guess I'd be interested in changing it.

Can someone explain it to me?