non-fiction

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes

Book Notes kitt decided around 22:03 on 23 August 2015 to publish this:

I found this book on the list from https://medium.com/@Hipstercrite/book-recommendations-for-smart-ladies-who-like-smart-ladies-82d365d9bc28 Having recently read Being Mortal, having recently had to accept the frailty of old age as I watch the grandparents and parents age, and having recently noticed just ALL THE GREY HAIR I've had (really, I've had it for a while, shaving my head rather brought them out), reading this book didn't seem too far out of the current progression.

I am glad I did.

I highly recommend this book. All my family members are getting this book, possibly others. I might buy many copies of this book for the library at work, I think it's that great of a great book.

The book's description includes the paragraph:

"Smoke Gets in Your Eyes tells an unusual coming-of-age story full of bizarre encounters and unforgettable scenes. Caring for dead bodies of every color, shape, and affliction, Caitlin soon becomes an intrepid explorer in the world of the dead. She describes how she swept ashes from the machines (and sometimes onto her clothes) and reveals the strange history of cremation and undertaking, marveling at bizarre and wonderful funeral practices from different cultures."

Lincoln's Melancholy

Book Notes Written with a loving hand by kitt some time around 10:30 on 2 August 2015

Okay, I'm really not sure what took me so long to read this book. The subtitle of this book is How Depression Challenged a President and Fueled His Greatness, so it's basically about Lincoln and how he lived with depression.

I really like this book. I really like this book a lot. I highly recommend this book for anyone who has had a depressive episode, had or has clinical depression, or had or has chronic depression.

The book describes how depression, also known as the manly "melancholy" of yesteryear (yester-century?), was viewed in the 1800s (much, much differently than it is these days); how friends and family rallied around a melancholic person to help; how being sad wasn't considered a failing, it was considered different. Talk about a different viewpoint than these days, where if you're not happy, there must be something wrong with you. I liked the one point in the book where the theory that happy people are actually the unbalanced ones: they have an over-inflated sense of self and their skill-sets, versus depressed people who have a more grounded realistic view of reality.

About half way through the book, I liked it enough to buy a hard copy of the book. It helps that I'm a fan of Lincoln, I suspect. But really, there are enough good quotes in the book that I wish I had it right now to copy them all down right here.

Mistakes Were Made (but not by me)

Book Notes Yeah, kitt finished writing this at 21:59 on 18 July 2015

This book was recommended to me in Susan's Slack channel by Francis. It had been mentioned in a meeting as a good business book to read. I read the first chapter, maybe the introduction, online, and bought the book. It's about the theory of cognitive dissonance and how reality intrudes on our beliefs, causing us to do things we don't think we would do.

The book is an easy introduction to the theory and the consequences of what happens when we have two opposing beliefs, how we justify bad actions to ourselves, and how we do those bad actions in the first place (one small step at a time). It also describes just how many people don't follow scientific methods before making declarations, making assumptions, or moving forward. In particular, most people including those in the health professions, don't understand statistics and control groups.

Memory is another area where justifications are made. The book discusses false memories, as well as how people remember how bad things are. The depth of "bad" is dependent on your desire for the experience, and inversely proportionate. If you want to do something and it sucks, it sucks less than if you do something and didn't want to do it, even if the experience is the same. You know, that whole justification thing, which is why we were reading this book to begin with.

The fundamental issue in all of this justification, however, is the lack of space to make mistakes. Mistakes are associated with being stupid in American culture, which means kids are trained to fear making mistakes. This, in turn, incentivizes not trying.

It's a horrible way to live, by the way.

I recommend this book highly, along with the philosophy of "Try, try harder. Fail, fail harder. Try, try again."

Positioning

Book Notes Yeah, kitt finished writing this at 20:53 on 10 July 2015

Mid-book thoughts

I'm kinda chuckling at this book as I read it. It's all pre-Internet era advertising examples, which makes them hilarious in the context of today's world. That said, I wish there were an updated, relevant-to-today version of this book. Extracting the message, ignoring the historical juxtaposition with the number of upturned ideas about marketing, and the book is okay so far. Might be a bit too Mad-Men-esque for me.

End of book thoughts

Subtitled, "The Battle for Your Mind"

I read this book on the recommendation in How to Transform Your Ideas into Software Products.

The book was first published in 1981, though there's a 2001 copyright on some of the books. As a result, oh, ha, a lot of the products discussed and idea presented are so dated I felt I was reading a Mad Men how-to manual of sorts. There were references to Xerox's failed attempts at the computer industry, along with references to the Marlboro man on television (uh.... nope, not any more), and American car manufacturers dominance in the minds of Americans. The parts where suggestions about "possibly think internationally" had me giggling. And, aw, man, I understood many of the references to the older ways of doing things (hey, how about that Thomas Register?).

I really would like to have this book rewritten with modern / updated product references and case studies.

That said, the positioning yourself and your career chapter totally hit home. Still relevant, still applicable, and still swirling in my head as "I need to do this."

Introvert Advantage

Book Notes Instead of being asleep at 16:17 on 6 July 2015, kitt created this:

Mid-book thoughts
I'm struggling a little bit with the part of the book that links thrill-seeking, dopamine resistant genetics with extroversion. The author has a section that talks about how thrill seekers have lower dopamine sensitivity and seek out novel, often dangerous, activities to alleviate boredom. My difficulty with this idea is that if introversion is building energy from the inside (instead of extroversion of absorbing energy from the outside), seeking novelty is orthogonal to introversion. Okay, if not orthogonal, at least not a causation as she seems to indicate.

Recognizing that a data point of one is the same as a data point of none, and that my experiences aren't necessarily reflective of a whole, blah blah blah, I find myself seeing experiences outside of my comfort zone, in the area of discomfort the author says thrill-seeking extroverts thrive. I don't seek thrills or need to do dangerous stunts to believe that I'm alive, but I do want experiences, to live life fully.

Maybe it's because I have trained myself to be outside of my comfort zone, and that training means that my natural state is OUTSIDE of it. Maybe I'm not comfortable IN a comfort zone, which is one of the weirdest things to say about an introvert.

I'm not sure. Have to think on this more. I will say that I had to reread the section several times, pondering it. I don't agree with it. I think she found a correlation, not a causation.

More mid-book reading, I've stalled on this book, based on the irrelevancy of some of the content. In particular, introverts dating. The advice isn't relevant to me.

End of book thoughts

Wired for Love

Book Notes Written with a loving hand by kitt some time around 19:03 on 14 April 2015

Okay, I found this book a bit hard to read. Not because the words or phrases are complicated or awkward; they aren't, it's an easy read, word- and style-wise. No, it was difficult because apparently I've been doing relationships all wrong. Well, primary relationships, anyway. At least according to this book.

Okay, maybe not ALL wrong. I'd been doing a lot correctly, tidbits and habits picked up over the years. The big things, though, those I'd been doing poorly. The one I smiled biggest at the recognition of doing well with is launchings and landings: a kiss good morning, a kiss good night, a kiss hello, a kiss goodbye. I've done will with seeking out the Boy when I return from our being apart, which goes with the kiss hello. That is my favorite habit.

The book has ten guiding principles, with ideas like the Couple Bubble, becoming expert managers of our partners, loving is up close so look your partner in the eye frequently (like all the time), and learning to fight fairly and never with a goal to win, but to understand better (well, fuck, where have I heard that one before). I've done some of them correctly, but failed miserably at the rest.

The book describes people's tendencies in relationships to be Anchors (securely attached, comfortable with who they are and the relationship), Islands (insecurely avoidant), and Waves (insecurely ambivalent). Having read Attached a couple years ago when it was spinning through the web development spheres, I recognized the different attachment styles. I've most definitely become an Island, though I hadn't really thought I had. This quote hit me in the gut, though:

People who are islands often confuse independence and autonomy with their adaptation to neglect.

I'm still mulling it over.

How to Speak Baseball

Book Notes Posted by kitt at 14:51 on 2 January 2015

Okay, THIS is the book I needed fifteen years ago. It is a list of baseball terms, in alphabetical order, with some cute illustrations thrown into it. Much of the baseball lingo I've heard Kris use, and a lot of it that I had never heard, was in this book. I was, after reading it, surprised to realize how many terms I did know, which just proves you can learn baseball by osmosis.

The only problem I could find in the book is that it lacked the definition of "High Cheese Ball." I can't understand why such an auspicious term would have been left out of this wonderfully enjoyable baseball lexicon.

Being Mortal

Book Notes Instead of being asleep at 13:16 on 15 December 2014, kitt created this:

Read this book.

I cannot recommend this book strongly enough. Aside from the fact that Atul Gawande's writing is wonderful and engaging, the topic of end-of-life care is too important not to read about it, especially when you're young enough to be able to do something about it. Saving for retirement is not enough. Thinking about this and preparing can't be stressed enough. Having read it, I am no-way-no-how going to move my mom or my dad or Eric or anyone elder and well-established whom I need to care for, from their homes when they are older.

I can seriously hope that if I'm faced with "do this procedure, get maybe 3 more years of questionable-quality life" vs "don't do this procedure, get maybe 1 more year of quality life" I have the strength and wisdom to choose the latter.

Read. This. Book. I mean it. I'll buy a copy, I mean it so much.

The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking

Book Notes kitt decided around 11:11 on 20 April 2014 to publish this:

When at Webstock (holy f---, once again, an amazing conference) this year, Liz Danzico gave a great talk about giving up, quitting, and how, "... sometimes, the middle is the end" in projects. The talk was engaging and struck close to my heart in many ways. One of the many books she referenced and drew from was The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking (affiliate link). With a title like that, heck yes, I bought a copy before the conference was over.

The book has 9 sections, ranging from the cult of positive thinking to stoicism to embracing insecurity to the folly of focusing on goals to accepting death as a way of life to negative capability. Each section / chapter has a central theme, some story or author adventure, and a suggestion on how this different way of not-embracing positive thinking has helped others and can help the reader in leading a better life (for their definition of better).

Having read a number of studies about how positive thinking doesn't really work in many cases, as it's essentially sticking your head in the sand about reality, and that visualizing achieving your goals causes your brain to reward you for already having achieved them reducing your desire to continue to pursue them, I was eager to read this book.

It did not disappoint.

Predictably Irrational

Book Notes Written with a loving hand by kitt some time around 16:48 on 4 January 2014

I tried reading Predictably Irrational (affiliate link) about a year ago. I made it about half way through before other books captured my attention. I restarted it at the beginning last week and read through it rapidly. Totally worth reading it. I recommend it highly.

The basic premise of Predictably Irrational is exactly what the title is: people don't act rationally with a lot of things, yet that irrational behavior is somewhat predictable. The book is a gentle introduction to behavioral economics, which doesn't believe that people act completely rational when making decisions about their economic well-being (that rationality being a fundamental belief in most economic models people know about). The book explains that people do a lot of odd things, describes experiments that address the odd things, and gives the outcomes, explanations, and interpretations of the results.

There are immediate applications of the explanations, both from an offense (I'm trying to sell you something) and a defense (I'm trying not to be hoodwinked into buying something I don't really need / want) perspective. The chapter on Free! is great, as well as the section on how we overvalue what we own more than if we don't own it; which explains why, say, people selling an item (car, house, thingy) always want more than the non-owners are willing to pay. We all suck at making decisions when we're sexually aroused, and oddly how price affects the effectiveness of placebos.

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