Because he doesn't eat slowly enough already

For as long as I can remember, my meals have always included more liquids that pretty much anyone else I've eaten with. Where my classmates would often have milk left over after lunch in elementary school, I often wished I had two cartons. Where friends will finish a meal leaving their water glass untouched, I'll have gone through two glasses and be frantically looking for the bathroom before we'd have even left the restaurant.

I often wonder what my friends think about my always going to the bathroom after eating. Of course, I know they think I have the smallest bladder in the world, when in reality I just have it really really full all the time.

My pasta meals are often a bowl of sauce with a dash of spaghetti, instead of a bowl of spaghetti with an accent of sauce. And really, the whole purpose of a french fry is to get ketchup to my mouth.

I've talked to my dad about this habit of mine, of drinking a lot of water or other liquids during my meals to wash down the food. I rarely, close to never, willing choose alcoholic drinks for the washing-down part, just doesn't work. Aside from not being able to find a wine I really like (there is an exception), the thought of drinking wine like water isn't an appealing thought.

So, dad thinks the issue is a physical issue that I was born with, since he has similar issues. I overcome the discomfort of swallowing by drinking water frequently with my meals. It makes sense to me, given that I've been doing it for as long as I can remember.

So, Kris and I went to the doctor's this morning , because he's been having problems swallowing. Now, his problems swallowing is considerably different than my having problems swallowing, so off we went for him to have tests run. To my frustration, the doctors concluded the problems were in Kris' head, that there is no physical cause for his difficulties. I HATE this type of diagnosis: we can't find anything wrong, so we're going to blame the patient.

The only good thing the doctor did do, other than confirm the problem was EASILY IDENTIFIABLE as a physical problem, is give him pointers on how to eat the food that's difficult to swallow. Aside from the suggestion of "blend a hamburger and drink it," they suggested that he, oh, guess what, EAT LIKE I DO. Which is to say, take a bite, take a drink, take a bite, take a drink, take a bite, take a drink, continue until meal finished or interrupted by the need to talk.

I couldn't help but think, oh, good, lord, add ANOTHER action to his eating rhythm? The man is the slowest eater in the world already, does he really need ANOTHER step in the process because he doesn't eat slowly enough already?