I'm done.

I'm done with client work.

I'm done with client work because the thought of dealing with one more client who needs to be hit (smashed, obliterated) by a clue stick, sends me into a depression so deep I can't see the sky.

The thought of dealing with a project manager who doesn't keep track of what's going on, doesn't tell his client "no, you can't have it yesterday," can't communicate effectively, delivers prerequisite work two weeks late but expects the rest of the schedule to be on time, and springs non-tested project launches two hours before an arbitrary unknown and uncommunicated deadline, fills me with an annoyance so strong that I lose the ability to suppress it.

The thought of feeling I've disappointed another client, nearly completing a project, but seeing a list of items that aren't QUITE done, not being able to be satisfied with work-well-done because the work wasn't done well because the end was a continually moving target, frustrates me beyond belief.

Beyond.

Belief.

I can't do this any longer.

I can't deal with clients who say "Did you see this? See how the links are at the bottom. What about that?" What about it? The links are at the bottom. What are you asking me? Are they in the wrong place? Are they supposed to be there? Are they incorrectly labelled? Are they pointing to the wrong pages? Should they be on the top? What about the links are at the bottom? What are you asking me to do?

I can't deal with clients who ask, "What is the status of X? What about Y? How about Z? What's going on with W? How's it going with T?" When I ask back, "Do you have this in list form? Have you sent me these tasks or asked me about them before?" responds, "No, I haven't sent you this list. I don't have it in a list." If you haven't asked me about it, nor told me about it, I'm pretty sure IT ISN'T DONE.

I can't deal with clients who send me bug reports that say "That thing on the front page. It doesn't work." What doesn't work? The links at the top of the page? The images aren't scrolling properly? The nav buttons don't highlight? The sponsor logos don't rotate? What doesn't work? And what browser doesn't it work in (because it's working just fine in my browser, and the other four browser types I tested, otherwise I wouldn't have said the task was complete)? "It doesn't work" isn't enough information for me to solve your problem.

I can't deal with clients who say, "The system is broken," and blame the software when EACH. AND. EVERY. TIME. we go over the steps the client did, the error is revealed to be USER ERROR. Doesn't matter. It's the system that's broken. The client doesn't stop to think or to READ THE ONSCREEN INSTRUCTIONS (the short, one sentence to-do item). No, it's the system that is broken.

I can't deal with clients who, though given my hourly rate, the number of hours I've worked and the work I've done, panic when my invoice arrives. They knew what my rates were before I started the project. They knew that my rates are on low end of high. I charge that rate because I get the work done in less time than the guy who charges 1/3 my rate, often at a lower cost, because I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. Just because YOU don't know how to do it, doesn't mean *I* don't know how to do it. In fact, I DO know, and you asked me to do it.

I can't deal with being stressed when I send that bill. If I do $10000 worth of work, and we agreed on $10000, why should I be stressed and worried about the client's paying? Because the number of clients who have decided not to pay had been, until 2008, disgustingly high. I've changed my billing practices to fix the problem, but am still wary when I send that bill.

I can't deal with clients who ask, "How hard can it be?" when they don't have any clue about the effort involved. Yes, I make it look easy, but that's why the client hired me: because I can do the work. Just because I can do the work, doesn't mean that it's not hard. Certainly doesn't mean that it's not GOING TO TAKE TIME.

I can't deal with clients who want tagging because "It's a Web 2.0 feature," not because it actually ADDs to the site, not because it actually serves a purpose, not because it makes sense. "We HAVE to put it in. It's Web 2.0." You know, "It's Web 2.0" is not a reason to do something. Either you've forgotten WHY you should something, nor never bothered to learn.

I can no longer help incompetent people look competent. If you're doing a job you can't do, either learn how to fucking do the job, or get a different one. I'm tired of pulling someone else's ass out of the fire, saving someone else's butt. I'm tired of saving a project because six months ago the client promised their client a site would be delivered in three weeks, and they don't have anything to deliver, but that's okay, call Kitt, she's famous for delivering sites in three weeks or less. I'm tired of figuring out what the hell a client is trying to ask for, then having to redo the task three times because, "No no no, that's not what I said," when, yes, that was EXACTLY what you said, and I have the documentation to prove it.

I can't deal with helping other people achieve their dreams while my dreams lay dying. I can't wake up in two years and think, "Fuck, it's 2011. Where did the last four years go?" because I wasted it on everyone else's projects. I'm already wondering where the last two years went. I can't do this for another five years. Or two. Or one.

I can't.

I just can't do it any more.

I'm done with client work.

I left a client's office early this afternoon to make sure I made it to Velocity on time. I wasn't sure how bad traffic would be, and was pleasantly surprised to arrive early enough to change clothes and stretch slowly. Not having to drive in the fastest lane, but being able to cruise in the flow of the slower traffice helped me arrive calm, too.

To my surprise, there were 10 people in the class. I'm used to 4 maybe 6 tops, so the 10 people seemed a lot. I recognized a large number of the people, one of them being the tall Asian guy who rolled his eyes as I did at Friday's workout a week ago. There were a couple new people, including two women, a tall blonde and a short redhead, the latter being so wonderfully graceful I'm sure she has a dance background.

We all want to believe we're special. We struggle to find our way in the world, to find our place, to define ourselves. In the end, though we might want to be normal, to blend, to fit in, we also want to learn that there's something special, unique about ourselves.

Growing up, I struggled more with the fitting in than the standing out. I was good at academics, I enjoyed learning, so did it well. I wasn't able to necessarily to apply what I learned, but I was able, usually with effort, but with willingly spent effort, learn.

Except when things were HARD. But that's a different story about heart.

As I struggled with fitting in, I was often drawn to others who were the same. A small coincidence would draw me to another person as a moth to light. The sameness, no matter how artificial, was a balm, a salve, a calling that this is where I belonged, in this situation, with this person.

When I write dates in file names, I use the format YYMMDD. I picked this style up from Yosufi, who used it to name files when Windows was the popular operating system, and you had only eight + three letters for file names. He would use two letters and the date, for the eight letters, and three letters for the extension. The two letters were meaningful to him, usually about the contents of the files.

  mg050302.doc
  mg050303.txt

I continued the numbering scheme because the date lists correctly when sorted in a directory listing. If I named the files like everyone else, they wouldn't list correctly. As an example, how about a database dump from this month, last month and the month before. If I used the format that most people seem to use, they would list like this:

  dump_011009.sql
  dump_020809.sql
  dump_122208.sql

That is clearly not in the order I want to see them, which would be in creation order. Worse, what if I had dumps from this time last year, too?

  dump_011009.sql
  dump_011108.sql
  dump_020809.sql
  dump_042908.sql
  dump_122208.sql

Now, which files, at a glance, are the most current? I can't tell. I can't tell at a glance if the database dump for this month happened. Better to use the year first, followed by month, then day. All of the files list correctly:

  dump_080111.sql
  dump_080429.sql
  dump_081222.sql
  dump_090110.sql
  dump_090208.sql

So, next time you decide to write a date in a file name use the year, month THEN day in the filename. Trust me on this.

Start by reading this article about how to avoid choking under pressure:

http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?id=how-to-avoid-choking-under-pressure

One of the aspects of doing well under pressure is to practice in pressure situations. In particular, setting up fake high pressure situations so that when the real event occurs, everyone both can handle it and knows he can handle it.

One way to create high pressure situations at practice is to ask the team to focus and play hard. This can work well if everyone is sufficiently motivated, but doesn't work as well as the practice wears on or even through out the season. Putting aside internal motivation (which should be an incredibly high motivator), how else can high pressure situations be created during practices? How can we simulate the pressure from Nationals without playing against another team from Nationals who is just as fired up as we are?

Well, how about keeping statistics and reward those statistics?

A college that had a dominant women's soccer team would track all its players' speed by running sprints at the end of each practice. Every one lined up on one line according to speed, the fastest on one end, the slowest on the other. At the end of each sprint, the order would adjust, with the faster person still at the one end, but the middle runners adjusted according to who crossed the line first. This particular way of running sprints made it easy to see who was faster and slower, as each person was next to others who were close in speed to her. At the end of all of the sprints, the order would be recorded and posted.

The result of the sprints tracking was that the slowest person was incredibly motivated to become faster. The article I read went on to point out that the slowest freshman one year became the fastest sprinter by her senior year, because of the motivation from the sprints.

We could have a similar setup at practice for sprints, sure. It would help motivate those in the middle, and keep those at the fast end honest in moving!

Speed is only one aspect of the game, however. Scrimmages at practice could also be tracked, as the teams are fairly stable after they're declared at practice (and fairly stable through the season as offense teams and defense teams are selected). At the end of practice, keep the team divisions, but make a note of which team won how many scrimmages, maybe even how many points. Keep track of those values and rank the players on how they did, either by points or by scrimmages won.

I don't know that I'd recommend keeping stats on scrimmages the way that game stats are kept at tournaments. That requires a lot more commitment from a non-player.

The trick in tracking statistics, however, is to make sure every player continues to grow and expand upon his skill set. If you're tracking how many turnovers a player made at practice, she's going to stop trying to throw those throws that are *just* beyond her reach. Yet, practice is when you want her trying those throws so that she *can* make them in a game: you want growth at practice, not withdrawal.

Possibly having a non-tracked practice for people to try new positions and throws could also be beneficial.

For this reason, I would strongly argue against tracking "how many turnovers I had at practice." The skills and drills parts of practices don't lend themselves particularly well to statistics, and are opportunities for growth that shouldn't be wasted.

Of course, the true source of pressure in sports comes from actual competition. Heading out to a tournament and experiencing the pressure is a better source than the artificial pressure of tracking scrimmage stats. Just make sure the tournament's level is high enough, and that the team learns at the event, as even a loss is a chance to learn.