I am so tired


Mom tells me that she doesn't understand why flying is so difficult for me. She goes to the airport, goes through the security screening, waits for her plane, boards her plane, sits in her seat for the flight, deplanes, and boom, is where she wants to be. She never has any of the stories I have about flying, about traveling, about one-more-thing going wrong in the adventure. Oh, the one-more-thing-going-wrong means that I have stories to tell when it's all over (and oh boy do I have stories to tell), but in the middle of them, I really wish they were someone else's stories.

So, I told her, pay attention. We'll have stories on this adventure. I'll point them out IN REAL TIME.

She laughed.

I think it was a nervous laugh.

Jason Selch's ticket


So, in sitting down in my seat on the airplane today, I found this:

It's a used plane ticket from this morning, for the seat I was in but on a much earlier flight than I was on.

When I find things like this, my initial reaction is to tear the ticket up into as many tiny pieces as I possibly can, and put them into separate trash cans. I do this mostly because that's what I'd want done to any ticket I accidentally lost or left behind. Yes, yes, I know, "HOW STRANGE." Not the point of this story.

Today, instead of the immediate shredding, I went ahead and looked up this "Jason Selch" who previously occupied the seat my butt was now gracing. I was curious about who would leave a ticket in the seat. I was curious if he, too, was an old, white man, like 13 of the 16 people in first class with me.

And right about now, you, too, should do that, too. Go ahead, google Jason Selch, because the results are hysterical.

Didn't Goog? I'll spoil it for you. The man violated the commandment, "Thou shall not drop trou and point your rear at the boss."

He mooned his boss for firing a coworker during a merger with the a--holes at Bank of America. He did this in a meeting. His boss wanted him reprimanded. Bank of America wanted him gone (see above).

He mooned his boss.


This is hysterical.

Of course, I can't say I really mourn the guy's loss of the $2M bonus he was due when he was fired for the mooning. I mean, it was a bonus. Of two million dollars. Bonus. Yeah, the man wasn't hurting, and he wasn't (isn't?) part of the machinery that actually _produces_ anything, he was (is?) part of the machinery that moves around money, scams people who actually earn a living, creates fake markets and bilks the people at the bottom, and blah, blah, blah.


He mooned his boss.

And my ass sat in the same seat as the ass that did the mooning.

This cracks me up.