I spent money today.


I spent money today, and now I feel guilty about spending the money.

For the last I don't know how many years, significantly before this particular economic downturn, I've been fairly good about not spending money friviously. I don't chase fashion: my clothes are well fitting, non-descript, able to work for business and casual, with a few items for formal events.

I drive my cars into the ground, selling my first car only after it had 220,000 miles on it and had been loaned to a friend for six months.

My travelling expenses are nearly all work related, or tax deductible in some way.

No, I pretty much just mindlessly spend on books and food and personal consumable items such as soap and toilet paper and that's it. If it's going to take up space in my already cluttered house, I'm not likely to buy it.

Except that I didn't resist today. Today, I spent money on something I wanted. Not something I NEEDED, but something I wanted.

I have to say that the I'm not sure that the feelings of guilt from making this purchase are going to override the feelings of joy I'll receive when the purchase arrives at my doorstep. I'm old enough to know the difference between NEEDING something and WANTING something. I'm not depressed enough to think a physical item is going to make me happy for more than a fleeting moment.

I do hope, however that these feelings of guilt go away. Because as bad as they are at the moment, I'm still not returning my purchase.

I've been trying


Ever since Kris was laid off, I've been trying very hard not to spend money. Mostly not to spend money on superfluous things. Things like a chest freezer to store extra boxes of Girl Scout cookies and the chocolate chip cookies I made last week and the extra slice of the Great Wall of Chocolate from P.F. Changs that I couldn't finish. Or maybe the electrolysis to remove those annoying little hairs that are growing from places they're really not supposed to be growing. You know, the important things. Screw food, water and shelter, who needs that?

Unfortunately, consumer habits die hard, and I've really enjoyed using my new Sidekick. This thing cracks me up! When I showed Heather, hey look, I can log into IM from this thing, isn't that neat, she replied, "Great! Now you can always be connected." When I answered, "I know! Isn't that awesome?" her response was, "You know, that's not a good thing for most people."

Yeah, well, me and my toys. Certainly wasn't always that way.

When Kris and I first started dating, he ordered DSL for his Intarweb connection. I couldn't understand why he needed this faster, always on connection.

Until I used it.

For our first Christmas, Kris bought each of us cell phones. When I opened my box, my response was something like, "Wow! Thanks! Cell phones? Who needs a cell phone?"

Ah, but he was just setting the stage.

I recall thinking Bharat was way an early adopter with his Tivo (oooo!) and his tiny cellphones. Oddly, people think of me that way now.

People are crazy.

Besides, I'm trying not to spend money at this point.

Try as I might, I'm not having much luck at it.

Our refridgerator died last week. Mike saved us the $500 repair by offering us the use of his old one (yay, Mike!). Then, the DSL died, resulting in potentially another couple hundred dollars worth of repairs. Worlds tickets (admittedly a vacation we're choosing to go on, and not one that's absolutely required) are coming up, as well as housing and such. A favorite picture fell shattering the glass, requiring another $40 framing job.

Mike said, when it rains, it pours. He's right. I just wish our clients would pay us, and make this downpour of expenses a little easier to take.