You know, there are times when I utterly despise my womanhood. Completely and utterly despise it.

Today is one of those days when I can't seem to function well. I can feel the strength returning to my legs, I know that I'm (finally) getting stronger, (finally) moving more quickly, and (finally) developing some endurance. So, what a crappy time to have to deal with that huge issue of being a woman, of needing to find a restroom to change some dressing to minimize the ongoing gush of iron from my system.

How's that for an introduction to how crappy practice was for me today?

Not that practice was crappy, quite the contrary. I'm enjoying practices as a general rule. They're well run, well organized, and very focused. I have only one complaint (that focused throwing happens before warmups, which means that, if you actually throw as you would in a game, you're stretched out much farther than your muscles are warmed up to, and GREATLY increasing the risk of pulling a muscle or other soft tissue), which is pretty good. I like that the team is also very focused and willing to listen and learn. It's a BIG change from the Rippit days when, at the start of a drill, we'd hear three or four voices whine, "but I don't want to drill, I just want to play ultimate. Can we just play now?"

I also like very much that Mark reminds us that we've all put in the effort during the week and even that day to make it to practice, so make that extra little bit of effort to make practice good, to learn something today, to become a better player.

And I also like that I hear a lot of Kris' lessons repeated in different ways with the team. Many of the ideas he tried to instill in the team have become near manifesto, which makes me all proud of Kris, even if he can't see the results of his effort, and the team doesn't remember the origin of what's being said.

What I don't really like, though, is being disconnected from the team. Having to dash off at the beginning of a drill didn't help. Being an afterthought in a discussion of defense positions didn't really help, either, in making me feel connected. There are times when I really think this practice player idea was the stupidest thing I've ever done.

And then I remember WHY I made that choice, why I wanted it, and why it is still the best decision for me.

Because I am allowed to make mistakes.

I need to make those mistakes to grow, to figure out what works for me again, to remember why I've spent the thousands of hours on this sport over the last 15 years, to understand why I'm willing to work out 3 hours a day to get back into the shape I was in 2004 and 2005, to realize why I've convinced several of my friends to throw with me, hoping to throw daily and fix the confidence issues I have.

Even if everyone on my team groans when I drop the disc on a dump swing because it RUINED THE WHITE TEAM's score, I need to care less. It's practice. Do you really think I'll miss that disc in a game?

After practice, Warren hosted a pool party. I dashed home after practice to shower before heading over, and asked Kris if he wanted to go, too. He did, and off we went. On the way over, we passed a half dozen gas stations, and sat at a left turn signal as it cycled twice because the people in front of us didn't actually go when the light turned green. As the light cycled the second time, Kris asked me, "With the price of gas, have people changed their driving habits?"

I thought about his question for a moment.

I can now measure my car trips in dollars painfully spent, in contrast to when I had my CRX That car went 45 miles to the gallon when I bought the car, more than 35 miles per gallon when I sold it 150,000 miles later. I recall when gas rose to $1.49 and I was driving that car: I freaked and decided I really didn't need gas yet, and didn't buy gas at that time. So, with great gas mileage and cheap gas, each mile was less than 3¢ a piece. Not really worth worrying about at the time.

Now, with the not fuel efficient car I drive, I struggle to get 25 miles per gallon. If I drive my normal style, I manage about 20 miles per gallon, but even that's hard sometimes: the car is just too much fun to drive and FAR too easy to accelerate rapidly. As Andy told me, "your car makes me forget I want a fuel efficient car." Makes me forget, too.

In the last few months, I've started driving less. I was already trying to walk or train as much as I can. It might be time to pull the bike from its hanger, put on different tires, replace the seat and start biking, too.

When I do drive, I've been trying to drive more slowly, too. Despite my too frequent (at least recently, anyway) needs to accelerate hard, I've managed to drop my average speed by 5-8 miles per hour (which is HUGE for me). I'm been mostly inspired by Megan's 50 miles per tank increase by driving the speed limit and accelerating rationally, rather than Kris' 59 miles per gallon in his hybrid (good lord, is that intimidating, good thing I drive so much less than he does).

So, I answered, "Yes. I drive less. I know that my mom drives less, too. Since my trips can be measured in dollars, like driving to the City costs me more than taking the train does, I've been driving less. Other people have been, too."

"No, that's not what I meant," Kris answered, then continued. "I don't mean driving less, I mean driving more efficiently."

"Oh, you mean, not accelerating hard, then braking hard to stop?"

"Yeah."

"Then, no, they haven't changed their driving habits."

Which is sad, really, as small changes in driving styles can have a HUGE impact on fuel efficiency. I've adopted some of Kris' driving habits, though I really can't, and probably never will like, drive less than 55 miles per hour on the freeway (except for that instant I accelerate THROUGH 55 miles per hour on my way to 65). The habits I HAVE adopted include:

1. Slower acceleration

   My MPH drops to less than 5 MPG when I accelerate hard in my car. Right. Five. That's a dollar per mile. By accelerating more slowly than the normal driver, I manage to keep the fuel efficiency up around 17 miles per gallon when I accelerate. Not great, but not as bad as it could be.

2. More space between cars

   I wasn't really sure which order to put this, but this habit is related to the slower deceleration habit. I've started leaving more space between the car in front of me and my car. By leaving more space, I'm able to just lift my foot off the gas pedal and let the car coast to slow down, using both the road friction and engine/car friction to slow down the car. If I have enough space, I can also take the car out of gear to coast farther.

   Leaving more space between my car and the car in front of me also helps minimize the caterpillar effect that you see on freeways where everyone slows down for no reason that anyone can see at the time, because someone minutes or hours before braked hard, causing the driver behind him to brake hard, causing a cascading effect that ruins fuel efficiency for EVERYONE on the road. If everyone tried minimize this problem, we'd ALL benefit.

3. Slower deceleration

   A hard deceleration means I was driving faster than I needed to when I approached where I'm stopping. Sometimes, I can't help but decelerate quickly (say, a light turns yellow and I won't make it through the intersection, or a car in front of me brakes suddenly and quickly, or something else in front of me requires a hard acceleration in the negative direction), but I try to minimize those events by leaving more space between my car and the car in front of me.

   Often, by decelerating more slowly (say, by coasting), the event causing me to stop (say, a red light) rectifies itself and I don't need to waste gas by accelerating back up to speed. Bonus!

4. Drive more slowly

   Deciding to drive more slowly has helped not only my fuel economy, but it has also helped reduce my stress levels. Really, it's OKAY if someone pulls in front of me on the road (as long as they FREAKIN' accelerate so that I don't have to slow down - I can't STAND when people put out in front of me and slow down - WTF are those people thinking?), I'm driving from point A to point B. Arriving there safely is FAR more important than arriving there quickly.

   Sometimes I'm late, and I need to drive quickly. I've tried to leave earlier than I think I need to, in order to minimize those driving needs. Not easy, given my usual late self, but being aware of the problem is the first step.

5. Drive at the car's sweet spot

   Cars have spots where they are most efficient, usually at a particular RPM. The sweet spot can be hard to find in many cars, but finding it is way worth the effort in terms of fuel efficiency.

   I found the sweet spot in my car and Kris' car by accelerating (slowly!), then letting up on the gas pedal slightly. The car's sweet spot is usually where the engine "idles" in gear: you don't have to put much pressure on the gas pedal, but the car continues at the same speed. I'm not describing it well, but I know that Kris' car's sweet spot is at 57 MPH in 5th gear.

6. Take the car out of gear when possible

   A car's engine running at 1000 RPM is going to be more efficient that a car's engine running at 3000 RPM, or, hey, even 2000 RPM. If I'm going down hill and can safely take the car out of gear (IN A MANUAL transmission vehicle, mind you), I will. I sometimes do the same when driving on flat ground, but that's usually when I'm trying to figure out how far I can go from my current speed.

   I started this habit, actually, back at Tech, when I learned that you could, if you tried, exit the 280 in Eagle Rock and, if you're going fast enough, and time the lights well, you can coast from the 280 all the way to the parking lot of Tommy's Chili Burgers. Sounds easier than it is, I'd like to say.

7. Turn off the car

   Kris' car does this automatically when the car is stopped and out of gear. My car doesn't do this. However, if I know the timing of the reason why I needed to stop (I just missed the light and I'll be sitting through a long red light, the truck in front of me is doing an Austin Powers U-turn and will take 20 minutes to finish), I will turn off the car, and restart it when it needs to be on.

   One item I didn't list in my reasons for stopping was "waiting in line at In-N-Out." I didn't add that because I find waiting in drive-through lines INCREDIBLY wasteful. There's no reason to be that lazy, and that wasteful. Turn off the car and walk into the store, people.

   I also didn't add "wait for my kid to leave school so that I can pick her up." I find that habit of parents to be the MOST HYPOCRITICAL action EVER. You're spewing car exhaust and pollutants into the air RIGHT NEXT TO YOUR CHILD'S SCHOOL. You know that children who go to schools next to large roads have lower test scores on standardized tests, right? Don't harm your child with this moronic habit. WALK your kid to school, or turn off the car.

8. Time the lights
   
   The less you have to decelerate then accelerate when driving, the less gas you waste. An internal combustion engine is most efficient at a steady state (which is why highway driving fuel efficiency is typically better than "city driving" fuel efficiency: you have less acceleration and decelerations which wastes gas. Of course, if you're driving in stop-and-go traffic, then highway driving is really bad "city driving" and you should think about when you're out driving.

   One way to minimize the acceleration/deceleration on city streets is to time the lights if you can. That usually means giving more space between cars, and slower deceleration if you can.

   Starting from a complete stop will use more gas than starting from a rolling start (look up static vs dynamic friction for why), so timing the lights and not actually stopping will reduce fuel usage and increase efficiency.

9. Walk or bike

   Of course, not driving means not using gas, and hence having the BEST gas mileage. Walking and biking aren't always possible. When they are, however, they are the most gas efficient mode of transportation. Less polluting, too.

Okay, really, that was nine. But, hey, my list doesn't sound as good if it doesn't match the book title.

And there you go. Those are the driving habits Kris has, and the ones I'm trying (more or less successfully) to adopt.

Today's practice was at Baylands. There's one practice today and another one tomorrow, mostly to simulate tournament weekends, but also to give the team enough time to work on new concepts more effectively. Having not exercised yesterday in order to rest my ankle (well, achilles actually), I was fairly desperate to run around today, achilles be damned.

I played okay, but had stupid, intermittent problems, like overthrowing Lyndsay during the concentrated throwing at the beginning of practice, at throw 22 (of 25), causing us to start over, then following that up by turfing the disc at throw 11 of the next set. I also completely flubbed the start of the endzone play drill, until I figured out that TWO people cut for each swing. At least my throws had enough spin that the wind didn't affect them.

What I thought most interesting about practice, however, was that I was called handler a lot towards the end of practice, during the last scrimmage. I was puzzled about the call, given that I generally don't play handler and (hence) don't play it well. However, I did fine, receiving a dump a couple times, continuing the disc movement upfield appropriately, forcing only one teammate to layout. Fortunately, that teammate was Adam, and he caught it with grace.

Yeah, so why call me there in the first place? Well, eventually I realized that when I was called handler, the line consisted of two "real" handlers and five cutters. One of those cutters needed to handle. Now, recall that I'm a practice player. I'm not going to tournaments with the team (the one coming up being the exception to that statement), so, having me handle makes sense, as it allows the other four cutters to practice what they WILL be playing at tournaments.

Either that, or DanO is just my bestest friend and decided to call me handler because he knows that, even though I don't play the position well, I really enjoy playing in the handler position. Because DanO is good like that.

Oh, and I met Will's mother today. Given that she raised Will, and Will is awesome, she is, nearly by definition, awesome, too.

So, I'm sitting here at the dining area table, working away. I've been sitting out here recently for several reasons: the light is better, the noise is less since Kris brought home his monster of a new computer, and, most importantly, the junk is piled up higher than my head, threatening to tumble down upon me the next time the dog sneezes.

All very good reasons to be out in the dining area to work.

As I'm working away, I notice movement out of the corner of my eye, to my right, at about head level. I look over at the movement, and see a moth crawling down the curtains.

Now, this isn't just any moth. This particular moth is about 3 cm long, black and fuzzy. And it decided to buzz me.

I jumped up, goose bumps shooting up all over my body, and zoomed away from the moth. The dogs barely moved, except Bella to lift her head, utter the smallest of woofs, and lie back down. I tried to sit back down and work, but the thought of this moth walking around the floor where it landed, possibly into my shoes (reminiscent of my brother's vomit in my shoes), just gave me the heebies, and I had to find the moth.

Each time I came close to both finding it, stirring it up, and getting it to move to the outside door, it would gather energy and flitter in exactly the wrong direction. Deciding to be smarter than the average moth, I pulled the dog food container's lid out from the kitchen to scoop and fling the moth outside.

Did I say smarter than the average moth? Yeah, well, said moth decided enough was enough and was crawling out the door when I returned with lid. The only joy I managed was that of a small shove before shutting the door. Whoo.

My little moth terror over, I decided to shower and start the day. I don't know why I thought that moving the bath mat in the tub would be a safe thing to do. I mean, I wasn't in a terrorized state or anything. Just because I hadn't slept very well last night, having had troubles falling asleep after staying up too late to finish some client tasks, and listen to the Germany Portugal quarter-finals soccer match on Tivo with Kris who had actually fallen asleep two hours before, and then had trouble STAYING asleep as deeply sexual dreams that included a field, shade, pleasant winds and Adam Leventhal kept rousting me from a deep slumber, and continued even after I woke up, wondered what the dream meant, and fell back asleep to have the dream continue, only to wake up and wonder why Adam continued to be in my dream and not Kris, and why don't I just roll over and finish the dream with Kris, but deciding not to because it was so hot in the bedroom, but being woken up anyway from the neighbor's car alarm going off non-stop at 5:14am and not being able to go back to sleep, doesn't mean I was in a bad, cranky mood or anything.

Hi, Adam. Yeah, you were fun in the dream. Your girlfriend's a lucky girl.

So, when I moved the bath mat to discover ANOTHER bug, this time only a June bug, and not a small cockroach as I feared, I nearly jumped out of the shower, taking the curtain, curtain rod, towel rod, towel and Bella, who waits outside the bathtub for her treat, with me.

This was not a good morning, and it was only 86° outside. It's supposed to get up to 102°

Stupid bugs. Stupid not being able to sleep.