UFC 2: the T & A show
Blog
Written with a loving hand by kitt some time around 12:10 on 6 November 2005
I missed the season finale of Ultimate Fighter last night, as I was at SuperHappyDevHouse
5. Fortunately, tivo is my friend (and yes, tivo is now a verb, so it has
lost its CamelCaps spelling status and is no longer TiVo).
This season has been relatively blah compared to last year. The editing
hasn't shown the fighters' mental anguish or victories, there have been no
overwhelmingly (or even just whelmingly) dynamic personalities to capture
the attention of the viewer, and there have been no huge rivalries, pranks
or, yes indeed, big fat babies.
In short: no compelling reason to love or hate these guys.
Which makes for boring television. But, hey, it's ultimate fighting, so the
season finale is surely worth watching, right?
Maybe.
The decor of the octagon at the Hard Rock Cafe is, well, the Hard Rock
decor, which includes, in the background, a hit record, surrounded by
radially placed guitars, all with a spotlight on it. And there are two of
them.
So they look like breasts.
Lovely.
The season finale starts out with the cheesy shots of a gladitor putting on
armor to Gregorian chanting and humming as a sound over.
Cheeeeee-zeeeee! Cut to Luke and Joe talking smack. It works
okay, but, eh, Luke seems too mellow to be an ultimate fighter. Good mental
strength (omg good!), but, man, he's a small'un.
And then there's Rashad talking smack about Brad. Okay, yes, Rashad has
fought two fights already. Yes, Rashad won both fights. But, dude, Brad is
the 800 pound gorilla, you're an idiot.
To my surprise, shots of Diego and some other dude (Nick Imez) came on next.
Diego! With long hair! We love Diego! He's the main event, with Kenny
Florian, also from season 1 with Diego, fighting Kit Cope (note the one T -
he's a boy). Who knew that Kenny could be good?
We just realized at this point that we missed the fight between Joe and
Jason. Jason reminds me of Ariel Garza (like, Jason could be Ariel's
cousin), so I wanted to see that fight. Oh, well.
Okay, so the announcers are introduced, blah, blah, blah, and they start to
introduce the fighters. Somehow, who knows how, the fighters get to pick
their nicknames. The announcers start with Joe "Daddy" Stevenson.
What the er...?
Daddy?
Daddy?!?
How fuckin' intimidating is the nickname "Daddy?" Clearly this fighter has
been hit one too many times.
Luke and the others, thankfully, have no nicknames.
Ooooo, Diego and Nick have "bad blood" between and "these two hate each
other." Might be a good fight. Ahhhhh, complete with words at the
weigh-in.
Introducing the other fighters, we're still dumbfounded that Kenny is any
good. He's actually fighting down a weight class from what he did on the
show. Later, he was described as a "master of ju-jit-su, possessor of
lethal elbows," which had both of us cracking up. Kenny landed a lucky shot
on Leben in the semis last season to get the finals. And now, it's his
seekrit weapon.
Someone tell me, what is he thinking? "Hey, this elbow has something! It
worked for me the first time, let's keep it going!"
I so cannot listen to his smack talk. He says, "I'm the one who works hard
for ..." and all I hear is, "I have lucky elbows! Whoo!"
Kit "the Havoc" Cope? The Havoc? Lord, someone rename these guys. Just
because you're a four time Welterweight weenar doesn't mean you can give
yourself a stupid name. Ooooo, he's a bare knuckle champion, too!
At least he has a good first name.
Blah blah blah, commercials, chest thumping, fight announcement. While
being introduced, Kenny looked at the ground the whole introduction. I kept
screaming, "Look up! Look up, you moron! You're being introduced, stop
shuffling your feet. Look up!"
Kit weighs only 170 at 6'0". When I commented on it, Kris replied, "Look at
his legs. He has chicken legs! Chick chick chicken legs!" Indeed. Kit's
got nothing below the waist. Chicky!
Okay, yay, the fight started. Wow, lots of moving. One of the things that
really cracks me up is the various positions these guys get in, and no one
thinks anything of them. I mean, seriously interesting sexual positions if
they weren't beating the crap out of each other.
Holy crap, Kenny managed an arm bar (a hyperextension of the elbow - "think
of the arm as a lever, the elbow as the fulcrum, and pull") on Kit and the
end of round bell sounded less than half a second before Kit tapped out!
Kit stayed in for another round. Jeez! These fighters are clearly
insane! He's lost the use of his right arm.
Okay, 35 seconds into the second round, Kit tapped out in a rear naked choke
that was turning his face purple.
Oh, joy. Ring girls. Amber, if I really cared what your name was, I'd be
downloading your photo from the UFC website. Oh, and that "mole" on your
chin? Looks like a big zit. Lose the eyeliner.
Blah blah blah, human interest stories, blah blah blah, fight introduction,
blah blah blah, CHUCK!. Cameo of Chuck Liddel, looking terribly
stoned. Heh.
Joe against Luke. Before watching this, my money is totally on Joe. Luke,
oh, Luke, do you really have a chance? Of course, "Joe Daddy" is a freaking retarded name, so style points to Luke.
At some point, Joe's mother is put on camera. What is she thinking? "Good
lord, what has my son gotten himself into? What the hell? He's going to
get the crap beating out of him, and I have. to. watch? He's getting
paid to do this?"
Luke, lose the retarded ski mask. You don't look like a ninja, you look
like a kid playing dress up. Retarded dress up.
Oh, Luke, you have no chance.
Nice move, Joe. Go, Luke, go! Color me impressed with Luke's ability to
escape Joe's takedown. Er, well, the first one anyway. Luke, Luke, Luke,
keep the fight on your feet. Boxing good. Grappling bad. Sure, you can
avoid the full submission, but it doesn't score well to have the bell save
your ass two rounds in a row.
Yeargh! Kris! Tell me if this goes to the judges! "You have to watch."
Boo! Boo to that!
"Oh, press that, Luke, I know you don't weigh for crap, but press with all
your weight!"
Okay, so Luke lost, but the judges scores were close: 29-28, 30-27, 29-28.
The heavy weights. Rashad is annoying. My hope is that he loses, so let's
watch... Daaaaaamn, big dude (Brad), get a move on, do more than just walk
around and take a swing (and a miss!) or grab the neck and knee up. How
about a jab jab jab? Stop getting that close! Ah well, Rashad won 29-28,
28-29, 29-28. Close.
Diego Sanchez versus Nick Diaz in the featured fight. Holy crap, what an
amazing fight. Diaz is like another Diego, matching him move for move,
countering each attack and returning them blow for blow. I can't imagine
how tired these guys are going to be at the end of the fight. Oh, Diaz,
don't land on your ass when you do a flying kick. Though, the dodging of
the dropping punches from Diego is terribly impressive. Diaz! You almost
had Diego's leg in a leg-bar! Man, oh, man! What a fight! Lots and lots
of exclamation points! I might need to save this fight on tivo for a
while. ARGH! What's with the crappy camera angles? If Diego is applying
an arm-bar, let me freaking. see it! Well,
looks like Diaz is going the distance with Diego, but if I were a judge, I'd
have to call it for Diego, no question (and I'm right: 30-27, 30-27,
30-27).
WTF? Diego "the Nightmare" Sanchez? Good lord, what is up with these
retarded names? How many times do I have to ask that?
Okay, end of Ultimate Fighter, season 2. I think the best part of this
season just might be, "Hey, did you know that Ultimate Fighter Season 3 will
air in spring 2006?"
Yeah.
The decor of the octagon at the Hard Rock Cafe is, well, the Hard Rock
decor, which includes, in the background, a hit record, surrounded by
radially placed guitars, all with a spotlight on it. And there are two of
them.
So they look like breasts.
Lovely.
The season finale starts out with the cheesy shots of a gladitor putting on
armor to Gregorian chanting and humming as a sound over.
Cheeeeee-zeeeee! Cut to Luke and Joe talking smack. It works
okay, but, eh, Luke seems too mellow to be an ultimate fighter. Good mental
strength (omg good!), but, man, he's a small'un.
And then there's Rashad talking smack about Brad. Okay, yes, Rashad has
fought two fights already. Yes, Rashad won both fights. But, dude, Brad is
the 800 pound gorilla, you're an idiot.
To my surprise, shots of Diego and some other dude (Nick Imez) came on next.
Diego! With long hair! We love Diego! He's the main event, with Kenny
Florian, also from season 1 with Diego, fighting Kit Cope (note the one T -
he's a boy). Who knew that Kenny could be good?
We just realized at this point that we missed the fight between Joe and
Jason. Jason reminds me of Ariel Garza (like, Jason could be Ariel's
cousin), so I wanted to see that fight. Oh, well.
Okay, so the announcers are introduced, blah, blah, blah, and they start to
introduce the fighters. Somehow, who knows how, the fighters get to pick
their nicknames. The announcers start with Joe "Daddy" Stevenson.
What the er...?
Daddy?
Daddy?!?
How fuckin' intimidating is the nickname "Daddy?" Clearly this fighter has
been hit one too many times.
Luke and the others, thankfully, have no nicknames.
Ooooo, Diego and Nick have "bad blood" between and "these two hate each
other." Might be a good fight. Ahhhhh, complete with words at the
weigh-in.
Introducing the other fighters, we're still dumbfounded that Kenny is any
good. He's actually fighting down a weight class from what he did on the
show. Later, he was described as a "master of ju-jit-su, possessor of
lethal elbows," which had both of us cracking up. Kenny landed a lucky shot
on Leben in the semis last season to get the finals. And now, it's his
seekrit weapon.
Someone tell me, what is he thinking? "Hey, this elbow has something! It
worked for me the first time, let's keep it going!"
I so cannot listen to his smack talk. He says, "I'm the one who works hard
for ..." and all I hear is, "I have lucky elbows! Whoo!"
Kit "the Havoc" Cope? The Havoc? Lord, someone rename these guys. Just
because you're a four time Welterweight weenar doesn't mean you can give
yourself a stupid name. Ooooo, he's a bare knuckle champion, too!
At least he has a good first name.
Blah blah blah, commercials, chest thumping, fight announcement. While
being introduced, Kenny looked at the ground the whole introduction. I kept
screaming, "Look up! Look up, you moron! You're being introduced, stop
shuffling your feet. Look up!"
Kit weighs only 170 at 6'0". When I commented on it, Kris replied, "Look at
his legs. He has chicken legs! Chick chick chicken legs!" Indeed. Kit's
got nothing below the waist. Chicky!
Okay, yay, the fight started. Wow, lots of moving. One of the things that
really cracks me up is the various positions these guys get in, and no one
thinks anything of them. I mean, seriously interesting sexual positions if
they weren't beating the crap out of each other.
Holy crap, Kenny managed an arm bar (a hyperextension of the elbow - "think
of the arm as a lever, the elbow as the fulcrum, and pull") on Kit and the
end of round bell sounded less than half a second before Kit tapped out!
Kit stayed in for another round. Jeez! These fighters are clearly
insane! He's lost the use of his right arm.
Okay, 35 seconds into the second round, Kit tapped out in a rear naked choke
that was turning his face purple.
Oh, joy. Ring girls. Amber, if I really cared what your name was, I'd be
downloading your photo from the UFC website. Oh, and that "mole" on your
chin? Looks like a big zit. Lose the eyeliner.
Blah blah blah, human interest stories, blah blah blah, fight introduction,
blah blah blah, CHUCK!. Cameo of Chuck Liddel, looking terribly
stoned. Heh.
Joe against Luke. Before watching this, my money is totally on Joe. Luke,
oh, Luke, do you really have a chance? Of course, "Joe Daddy" is a freaking retarded name, so style points to Luke.
At some point, Joe's mother is put on camera. What is she thinking? "Good
lord, what has my son gotten himself into? What the hell? He's going to
get the crap beating out of him, and I have. to. watch? He's getting
paid to do this?"
Luke, lose the retarded ski mask. You don't look like a ninja, you look
like a kid playing dress up. Retarded dress up.
Oh, Luke, you have no chance.
Nice move, Joe. Go, Luke, go! Color me impressed with Luke's ability to
escape Joe's takedown. Er, well, the first one anyway. Luke, Luke, Luke,
keep the fight on your feet. Boxing good. Grappling bad. Sure, you can
avoid the full submission, but it doesn't score well to have the bell save
your ass two rounds in a row.
Yeargh! Kris! Tell me if this goes to the judges! "You have to watch."
Boo! Boo to that!
"Oh, press that, Luke, I know you don't weigh for crap, but press with all
your weight!"
Okay, so Luke lost, but the judges scores were close: 29-28, 30-27, 29-28.
The heavy weights. Rashad is annoying. My hope is that he loses, so let's
watch... Daaaaaamn, big dude (Brad), get a move on, do more than just walk
around and take a swing (and a miss!) or grab the neck and knee up. How
about a jab jab jab? Stop getting that close! Ah well, Rashad won 29-28,
28-29, 29-28. Close.
Diego Sanchez versus Nick Diaz in the featured fight. Holy crap, what an
amazing fight. Diaz is like another Diego, matching him move for move,
countering each attack and returning them blow for blow. I can't imagine
how tired these guys are going to be at the end of the fight. Oh, Diaz,
don't land on your ass when you do a flying kick. Though, the dodging of
the dropping punches from Diego is terribly impressive. Diaz! You almost
had Diego's leg in a leg-bar! Man, oh, man! What a fight! Lots and lots
of exclamation points! I might need to save this fight on tivo for a
while. ARGH! What's with the crappy camera angles? If Diego is applying
an arm-bar, let me freaking. see it! Well,
looks like Diaz is going the distance with Diego, but if I were a judge, I'd
have to call it for Diego, no question (and I'm right: 30-27, 30-27,
30-27).
WTF? Diego "the Nightmare" Sanchez? Good lord, what is up with these
retarded names? How many times do I have to ask that?
Okay, end of Ultimate Fighter, season 2. I think the best part of this
season just might be, "Hey, did you know that Ultimate Fighter Season 3 will
air in spring 2006?"
Yeah.