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What day is it?


I'm fairly convinced today is not only Friday the 13th, but also a full moon, given all the retarded people on the road today on my drive into

I made it all of maybe a half mile when I stopped at the first light across a major intersection on the way to work. When the light turned green, I started up, crossing the road at a reasonable acceleration. As I started to exit the intersection on the other side of the major street (like seven lanes across major street), a woman in a black Honda (license plate 5YSZ792, if you must know) rushed up to the intersection to turn right onto the street I was on, but didn't actually stop at the red light. Instead, she accelerated through the right turn, barely missing both the pedestrian who was stepping off the curb into the crosswalk with the white walk sign, and the right side of my car as she pulled in behind me.

I was so mad at both near misses and the driver's obvious lack of concern for the personal safety of the people around her that I decided to help her drive more safely.

I slowed down.

The speed limit on the street I driving on is 30 mph. I slowed to 25. Then 20. Then 15. With the parked cars, she couldn't drive around me. Well, the parked cars and my foot on the accelerator pedal and my hand ready to downshift if she tried. I debated going more slowly than 15 before I realized, eh, my car doesn't actually drive more slowly than 15 mph. It just doesn't.

When I reached the end of the street I was one, the idiot driver having turned off before I arrived there, I turned right and started accelerating to the speed limit of 35 on the next street. I managed to drive all of maybe 150 yards before an older brown sedan pulled out in front of me to turn right onto the street in front of me.

Now, usually when people turn right onto a street, they accelerate onto a street while turning, straighten out the wheel and continue accelerating.

Not this guy.

He pulled out straight in front of my car, turned to the left and saw my car approaching at about 35 mph, and stopped. He just stopped - a total deer in the headlights motionless stop. How I didn't manage to hit him, despite his best efforts, is a vision to behold.

So, I continued along, amazed at the idiot drivers, vowing to drive under the speed limit today, alert for the next moron who was sure to cross my path in the 2.5 mile journey from my house to work. Yes, so far, that's more than one idiot per mile. Possibly a new record.

I turned left off the 35 mph street onto a quiet commercial street and make another right at the end of the block. In order to enter the parking lot where I park during the day, I need to turn left off of Washington Blvd in downtown Sunnyvale. It just so happens this left turn lane I'm sitting in is a dual left turn lane: traffic from either side can turn left from the lane as needed. Unfornately, California drivers aren't as sophisticated as Arizona drivers, who are quite used to the dual left turn lane and can navigate such traffic lanes with ease and grace, merging flawlessly and turning effortlessly.

Nope, not California drivers, who think dual left turn lanes are for driving in. Especially moron van drivers who, rather than stopping several car lengths back so that the small sports car, the one that rides ass to the ground and can't see around the 10 miles per gallon beast in front of her, actually has a chance to see if there's any oncoming traffic in the right lane, the lane that has to be crossed before entering the above mentioned parking lot, decided to park 10 feet (yes, less than the length of one car) in front, then proceed to honk, flash his light AND gesture wildly about how he wants to turn left and how dare anyone be in his way.

I sat there.

My choices were sit there and wait for the idiot to back up and go around, thereby teaching him the dual LEFT TURNING LANE is for LEFT TURNING; wait until I was really sure of no oncoming traffic and turn left anyway; back up and let him turn left, where I'd have to blindly back into two separate crosswalks; or just sit there and wait for him to do something.

So I sat there.

And watched him become more and more agitated.

Honk went the horn!

Flash went the lights!

Wildly gesturing went the arms.

I gestured back, indicating he was, indeed, an idiot, preventing me from turning left because I couldn't see oncoming traffic with his grill up my nose.

And after a few minutes of this, I couldn't take it any longer. The truck didn't have a front license plate, so I couldn't write it down. And watching idiots in vans lather into a frenzy, though humourous in retrospect, can be somewhat boring in real life.

I turned left as I shook my head, wondering just what day today was. I'm sure I set a new record for witnessing near accidents and idiocy per mile. Combine the morning with the moron children who thought riding skateboards down the middle of a busy road during rush hour traffic was safe, and we definitely have a new moron record today.

Must be a full moon tonight