Still learning those lessons


You know, there are times when I utterly despise my womanhood. Completely and utterly despise it.

Today is one of those days when I can't seem to function well. I can feel the strength returning to my legs, I know that I'm (finally) getting stronger, (finally) moving more quickly, and (finally) developing some endurance. So, what a crappy time to have to deal with that huge issue of being a woman, of needing to find a restroom to change some dressing to minimize the ongoing gush of iron from my system.

How's that for an introduction to how crappy practice was for me today?

Not that practice was crappy, quite the contrary. I'm enjoying practices as a general rule. They're well run, well organized, and very focused. I have only one complaint (that focused throwing happens before warmups, which means that, if you actually throw as you would in a game, you're stretched out much farther than your muscles are warmed up to, and GREATLY increasing the risk of pulling a muscle or other soft tissue), which is pretty good. I like that the team is also very focused and willing to listen and learn. It's a BIG change from the Rippit days when, at the start of a drill, we'd hear three or four voices whine, "but I don't want to drill, I just want to play ultimate. Can we just play now?"

I also like very much that Mark reminds us that we've all put in the effort during the week and even that day to make it to practice, so make that extra little bit of effort to make practice good, to learn something today, to become a better player.

And I also like that I hear a lot of Kris' lessons repeated in different ways with the team. Many of the ideas he tried to instill in the team have become near manifesto, which makes me all proud of Kris, even if he can't see the results of his effort, and the team doesn't remember the origin of what's being said.

What I don't really like, though, is being disconnected from the team. Having to dash off at the beginning of a drill didn't help. Being an afterthought in a discussion of defense positions didn't really help, either, in making me feel connected. There are times when I really think this practice player idea was the stupidest thing I've ever done.

And then I remember WHY I made that choice, why I wanted it, and why it is still the best decision for me.

Because I am allowed to make mistakes.

I need to make those mistakes to grow, to figure out what works for me again, to remember why I've spent the thousands of hours on this sport over the last 15 years, to understand why I'm willing to work out 3 hours a day to get back into the shape I was in 2004 and 2005, to realize why I've convinced several of my friends to throw with me, hoping to throw daily and fix the confidence issues I have.

Even if everyone on my team groans when I drop the disc on a dump swing because it RUINED THE WHITE TEAM's score, I need to care less. It's practice. Do you really think I'll miss that disc in a game?