All operators are busy

On the way home from Velocity today, I was cruising in the number one lane on 101 south, travelling a safe distance behind a truck. There were very few cars around us until we neared Palo Alto, which is where the traffic always seems to both thicken and slow down.

This slowing and thickening part is in no small part the result of the moron drivers entering the freeway on the northern Palo Alto onramps, including the numbnut in the champange metallic minivan with the license plate that starts with 4GOZ.

So, yeah, I was cruising on the freeway, right? Driving safely, right?

This van nearly sideswipes the car in front of the car in front of me as it swerved in the number two lane towards the number one lane (if you're not in California or California-trained in driving, the number one lane is always the lane farthest to the left, so every road has a number one lane - number two is the next one to the right, all the way to the number of lanes the road has).

I watched this, and, well, sped up in an attempt to prevent the moron minivan driver from pulling in behind the truck in front of me.

I failed.

After nearly sideswiping the truck in front of me, it slid into the not-really-enough-room space in front of my car. In less than 5 seconds, I realized why the van was swerving.

The driver was bent over towards the passenger seat, trying to get something next to him.

He wasn't on the phone. He wasn't texting, as I could see one hand on his steerring wheel. No, he was digging through something next to him, LOOKING AT THE SEATS, swerving in the lane.

When I saw what he was doing, I laid on my horn.

I wasn't particularly nice about my horn honking. I'm sure I surprised the driver of the cars to my right (the ones preventing me from pulling around the moron in the minivan, I might add). I kept my hand firmly planted on the horn until the driver sat up, put both hands on the steering wheel and was looking forward.

Which lasted about 5 seconds.

At which point, he TURNED TO THE RIGHT, swerved to the right, and started digging AGAIN.

I leaned on the horn again.

He stopped both swerving and digging, so I stopped honking.

Unfortunately, the moron driver was also a slow learning driver. He tried this again, so I leaned on the horn again.

I really really really really wanted to be nowhere near this car. He unsafely swerved into the fast lane, dropped the lane speed by over 10 miles an hour, wasn't watching the road in front of him, and was digging in something next to him. First chance I had, I moved over to the number two lane, as the guy continued to swerve and dig.

Normally, when I'm confronted with driving this bad, I move to be in front of the car - my logic being I'd rather be in front of the idiot and watch the carnage in my mirror than behind the idiot and in the middle of the carnage he creates. Traffic wasn't helping me, though, as, hey, I was driving through Palo Alto, whose traffic is as bad as the 405's Sepulveda Pass.

So, I did the next best thing when confronted with a driver that is going to take out someone in the next five miles.

I called 911.

As I was calling, I moved over to the right, watching the van pull ahead of me, swerving, swerving, swerving. The California Highway Patrol picked up, asked me to press any button to confirm this was an emergency, then not so pleasantly let me know that "All operators are currently busy."

Now that doesn't make me feel very good.

I think it's time to learn CPR, emergency medical training and, well, maybe my medical degree, too.