Sad

There are moments when I sit here in Dad's kitchen, laptop in front of me, refrigerator humming along, clock ticking above my head, my back tired from sitting here for hours trying to finish a task, launch some site, finish something for a client or a my own project, something that was very important, so important, and I'm overwhelmed with the realization that, yeah, I'm going to die, and statistically speaking, I'm half way to that end.

I think of some of the things that I'm not going to do, and am sad at the thoughts of the activities I thought so important that I wasted my time on them, when they really weren't that important.

I think of some of the things that I just needed to have, and am sad that I thought that thing was so important that I wasted my money, which is just an exchange for my time, on them, when they really weren't that important.

I think of some of the things that really are worth my time, and am sad that I didn't realize how important they are to me, and that I was too scared to try when I had a chance.

I sit here, and cry at the loss of that time and the missed and dismissed opportunities.

I miss my friends. I miss the communal dinners. I miss the games nights. I miss the games nights when I could actually play the games. I miss the mountains. I miss the casual ease of friends walking into the house. I miss the ultimate games, the sidelines, the exhaustion, the car rides, the plane trips, the new places, the old places comfortable after annual tournaments.

I miss, well, I miss my old life.

And as much as I know that the new stuff is going to be awesome, during these moments, I mourn the loss of the old, and really hope that I haven't hit the half way point yet.

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