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Today was a Day


Today is a day that I want a giant reset button. Everything small went wrong, causing everything to compound and grow more and more frustrating. I tried hard to de-escalate, and was unsuccessful. I managed to offend a good friend. I was short on the phone with someone who didn't deserve it. I stomped around a lot, frustrated I had ruined my gloves with cacti stickers and didn't have any new ones for me or Mom to use. I tugged at the water hose harder than I needed to tug, just to have a physical release for my frustration with the hose and its unyielding coil. I sat for a bit to understand where my frustration was coming from, what was triggering my hard-suppressed frustration? I've been working hard in being calmer, why was I so damn agitated by the smallest things?

Coping mechanisms are important. When one is outside one's comfort zone, how one reacts to problems, setbacks, and surprises is important. Anger and frustration are common responses of mine, neither of which I want or need.

Because I could, I chose to take a shower. I stood in the hot water, noticing the feel of the water, embracing the heat as it cascaded over my body. I let go of the tension in my shoulders, back. I pondered what was bugging, why was I lashing out, why was I being unkind? When I had a few candidates, I pondered a few solutions to each of them - what I could do after I hopped out of the shower, dried, and dressed. I waited in the shower for a bit longer, enjoying the heat, then started my plan.

I can't say the rest of the day was better, lots of little things went wrong, lots of little things cascaded into bigger things. I did okay, however. I managed to de-escalate.

Today was a day.

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