I am unsure that anything can be mastered in a week, even if this book's subtitle is "Master neuro-linguistic programming in seven simple steps." Though, now that I look at it, the title doesn't actually say "master NLP in a week," it just says "master in seven steps" and "nlp in a week."

Anyway, NLP in a week, seven simple steps. The idea is one can change one's behaviour by changing one's thinking, and change one's emotional state by changing one's behaviour (ergo, change one's emotional state by changing one's thinking). Given that pretty much the only thing one truly has is her consciousness (thoughts, perceptions, all elements of the same thing), one can assume changing one's interpretation of reality can change the one's reactions to said reality.

More simply put, if one assumes the world is a bad place, the world is a bad place, and you see only the pain, misery, and hurt. You assume everyone is out to take advantage of you. If you see the world as a happy place, you might be suckered sometimes, but the journey will be a hell of a lot more fun.

My default is to assume the worst. It would probably be good if this was coupled with a habit of planning accordingly, but I don't. I usually just go along until, surprise, here is reality, and, oh, I was wrong, I do, indeed, have stunningly bad luck. You know, someone has to have the worst luck, might has well be someone who is mostly oblivious to it.

But, well, what if all of this really isn't that bad?

(Hint: it isn't.)

And what if the defense mechanisms I developed as a kid really aren't needed any longer?

Except that I'm trapped in them, and I don't really recognize they exist. I know I have a strong sense of fairness, one that has gotten me into trouble a number of times, you should see my trigger list. It's big. Those triggers have no room for the frailty of being human. I struggle with being gentle with myself. I am my own worst critic.

I am not special in any of this. Most people struggle with inner demons.

Yeah, so, NLP. Who knows if it'll help. I do know what I am doing isn't working, so time to try something else. This is the something else.

First chapter: Sunday.

The basic principles of NLP include:

1. We have all the resources we need.
2. The meaning of communication is the effect it has.
3. There is no failure, only feedback.
4. The map is not the territory: every person's map is unique.

One of the purposes of NLP is to affect the outcome of events (sure, yes, control! We all want control!). Creating well-formed outcomes is important so that, well, you know when you've actually achieved your goals or managed the outcome desired.

Characteristics of well-formed outcomes include:

1. Positive
2. Specific
3. Evidence
4. Ownership
5. Fit
6. Resources

Unsurprisingly, with this, the goals are similar to the "SMART" definition of goals: specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, timely. Mostly because with these, one can ask, "Who is involved?", "What do I want to accomplish?", "Where am I doing this?", "When will it be done by?", and "Why?" One expects something specific: reasons, purpose or benefits of accomplishing the goal. You can probably throw in a "which" there somewhere, if you want, with requirements and constraints.

I plan on going through the exercises in the book. I'm not likely to post the actual exercises here, though, for a couple reasons. The first is a big one: I love paper. I'd rather write in a journal than type things in an editor. Writing things down on paper has been shown to help make sense of confusing or painful events, though why isn't known. Could be the slower process of writing on paper, could be the mind / muscle connection that affects the process, we don't know. We do know the effectiveness of pen and paper, though.

Second reason is also a relatively recent research result: telling people about a goal, writing it down, shouting it to the world, has the same mental release as actually accomplishing said goal, WITHOUT ACTUALLY ACCOMPLISHING IT. Yeah, you're all full of "GO ME!" when you haven't even started. I'd like to avoid that.

Third, I expect this process will require me to be vulnerable in an incredibly uncomfortable way. I'm not really interested in sharing that process with future Kitt quite yet.

Yet.

I wave to you, future Kitt. I hope this inner examination journey is worth the discomfort I expect it'll be.

Okay, so, I've been trying to discard things I don't need or want any longer. You'd think I'd be out of all the things I want to get rid of, but, well, a lifetime of accumulation apparently takes another lifetime to disperse. So, I find myself seriously considering discarding, disposing, gifting, or recycling anything that causes me to pause, thinking that maybe I don't like it.

After my trip to Phoenix, I pulled out all my toiletries with the intent of using up the ones I don't use frequently, having less to cart around with me. One of the things I started using again was the Peter Thomas Roth anti-aging buffing beads liquid soap thingie that I've had for years now. I bought it on the recommendation of a friend who had just started using it (which frustrated me, as I had asked for advice on face treatments, thinking I'd receive recommendations for products that she had been using for years, not for two weeks), and never quite liked it. I couldn't quite figure out why until this week, when I realized the connection between this product, and my face breaking out.

So, here are two very big reasons for not ever using the Peter Thomas Roth anti-aging buffing beads product ever again, and I'm tempted to burn the remaining stuff I have:

1. The micro-beads wreak havoc in biological micro-systems

The beads don't degrade, they go into the sewer and waterways, where they are consumed by small micro-organisms, which are eaten by slightly larger ones, which are eaten by slightly larger ones, etc. From Clean Water Action,

Microbeads pollute inland and ocean waters and marine life. Microbeads are pervasive in waterways, annually contributing 38 tons of plastic microbead pollution to California’s environment each year. Microbeads used as exfoliants go down the drain. They are not completely removed by wastewater treatment, and can get discharged into waterways.1 These microbeads are found in all oceanic gyres, bays, gulfs and seas worldwide, as well as inland waterways.2 Plastic microbeads absorb persistent organic pollutants (long-lasting toxic chemicals like DDT, PCBs, PAHs, and flame-retardants) and other industrial chemicals that move up the food chain when the toxic-coated beads are consumed by fish and other marine organisms.

2. The micro-beads get caught in pores, causing bumps, inflammation, and pimples.

This kinda defeats the whole purpose of a cleanser, causing skin problems, but, hey, it gives you teen-ager skin! True anti-aging.

Anyway, after another three zits, I made the connection between this "cleanser" and my face breaking out, and pitched this.

Good riddance.

Oh boy is this the BEST PEANUT BUTTER COOKIE EVER!

Mostly because I can taste the thing. That really helps.

And the salad I had today? Never has a beet tasted so amazing!

And the cashews? Incredible!

The tofu? I melted with delight.

OMG OMG OMG.

This morning, I weighed myself, and was down three pounds from last week. But that's not the amazing part of the morning! It did, however, take the edge off the blue that's been surrounding me for the last week, which is nice.

After weighing myself, I jumped into the shower, and realized, as the water hit my hair, UGH, my hair smells of barbecue smoke. It was from last Friday's lunch, when I went to St. John's with wet hair, so I'm unsurprised, but wow was the smell overwhelming. So, I squeezed a good sized dollop of shampoo into my hand and started washing my hair, the shampoo smelling very shampooy and soapy. And then it hit me.

I CAN SMELL.

MY NOSE IS REGISTERING SCENTS!

OMG OMG OMG.

This soap I have been using since forever has I scent! I could smell the laundry detergent on the fresh towel I used as I stepped out of the shower. I could smell that I really needed to change the towel I grabbed from the towel bar.

AND MY DEODORANT SMELLS OF CUCUMBERS!

Mom had given me this deodorant to use, and I just kept using it, not because I thought it was effective (Mom says it is, I couldn't smell, don't know), or because I like the smell, but because it was what she handed me to use and I don't have a strong opinion otherwise.

But now I can smell it!

THIS IS SO AMAZING!

The blue of last week has fled! This is great!