How many ways can I hate you?

How many ways can I hate the current medical system? Here's the conversation I had yesterday, trying to get the results from tests I had done last week. Doctor's office = DO. I spoke to Debbie yesterday.

Me: Hi, I'm calling about the results for tests I had done 
    last week.  I'm wondering how they turned out.

DO: Your doctor will mail you the results of your tests.  
    If there are any abnormal results, he'll call you.

Me: My doctor is out of town until the end of the week.  Can
    you just tell me if the results are positive or negative?

DO: No, I can't do that.  The results will be mailed out.

Me: Look, the tests were checking for intestinal parasites.  
    I have a referral to another doctor if the test is 
    positive.  Can you just tell me that?

DO: Oh, okay.  What's your chart number?

Me: It's [chart number]

DO: The results aren't back yet.  They were sent out on the
    first of September.  Can you call back tomorrow?

Me: Sent out?  Good to know.  I'll call back tomorrow.  
    Thanks!

Well, here it is tomorrow, so I call again. This time, Cynthia answers the phone.

Me: Hi, I'm calling to see if my test results are in.  I was
    told yesterday that the results can't be given out over 
    the phone, but I just need a positive or a negative result.

DO: I can't do that.  I can leave a message for your doctor to
    give you a call back.

Me: My doctor is out of town until the end of the week, so 
    that won't work.  Can you see if the results are in?

DO: No, I can leave a message for the on-call doctor.

Me: To see if the results were back?  Can't you just look it 
    up?

DO: I don't have access to the records.

Me: Okay, can you transfer me to someone in the lab who does?

DO: The lab is closed from 1 to 2 for lunch break.  I can have 
    the on-call doctor call you back.