Disappointed

Day two of staying put, and I'm disappointed.

I'm disappointed in my lack of progress on my own projects: I haven't managed tow work at all on my stuff.

I'm disappointed in my lack of progress on my client work: I've been working nearly non-stop on this one rewrite to fix a large systems design flaw, and haven't been able to finish it. It's blocking everything else.

I'm disappointed in my lack of exercise: I sat for a week driving across the country and haven't managed to get going yet. I've been standing instead of sitting much of the last two days, but it's still not enough. I ache to play ultimate, to run until my legs are exhausted and my lungs hurt and my shoulders cry for me to stop. We managed two walks around the block, which is more than zero, but too little to be healthy. I'm going to pull out the DVDs tomorrow, see if that helps.

I'm disappointed in my lack of infrastructure progress: I still don't have a Canadian phone, or a good way to access my funds. I haven't found a place for next week, and I'm starting to feel nervous about it. I don't have a good place to work, and worry I'm not being nearly productive enough.

I'm disappointed that I haven't sat down and just thought about things. I have a bottle of whiskey and enough disk space to write the next American novel, and yet, I worry about going into those dark places where self doubt, self incrimination, self hatred sit; where memories I've tucked away rest in dusty corners just waiting to be brought out and examined, analyzed and reviewed.

I'm disappointed I haven't caught up with my trip. Driving across country with Andy, Paul, Jessica and Jonathan was an incredible experience, and it's starting to fade. I haven't posted my pictures yet, either.

I'm full of disappointments when this is a time to be excited about changes.

Today was mostly working on client work. Jonathan and I went for a walk around the block around lunch time, and again when his kids came home from school. Running around the block was awesome fun. I'm amused at the different perspectives of the two of them: one just wants to run run run, the other needs to win, even if it means giving up on the sour grapes. The former is delightfully childlike and full of life, the latter seems to have the "taint" of social influence. It's an interesting contrast that I enjoyed observing.

Tomorrow, I'll strive to think as the one kid did, full of child wonderment at the world, "Wow, this is fun just doing this!" instead of through the lens of disappointment that I viewed today. I figure that way, even if the day isn't productive, it will still be fun.

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