kris

The other end

Blog kitt decided around 21:39 on 16 April 2006 to publish this:

"Excuse me for my ignorance, it wasn't very smart. But if it came out the other end, it would have been a fart."

Blink.

Blink. Blink.

"I don't think I've said that since I was twelve."

Much hilarity ensues.

High cheese ball

Blog kitt decided around 21:33 on 7 April 2006 to publish this:

Baseball season has started again.

It started last Sunday. Each year I become a "baseball widow" around this time of the year, as Kris goes off to spend time with his mistress (her name is MLB).

I resist learning about baseball. I tolerate his watching so much because it means I can work on my own projects with little guilt about not spending the time with Kris. I'm sure Kris would love if I were an avid baseball fan, but I'm not, and don't plan on being so any time soon. I can count the number of live games I've been to in my lifetime on one hand, and the number of those I've enjoyed on the number of penises attached to my body.

I've learned more than I care to learn about baseball, but I still get many terms mixed up. Take, for example, the high cheese ball.

In reality, there's the high cheese, which is a pitched ball that blows right by the batter. Often said as, "Wow, that was some high cheese."

And there's the high fast ball, which is a pitched ball that comes in at the top of the strike zone, really really quickly.

Technically, there is no high cheese ball, but I use the term generously.

There's also home base. Or the in-field homerun. Close, but they make Kris cringe every time I use the terms.

Good thing I don't discuss the high cheese ball hit over home-base for the in-field homerun. I might become a divorcee instead of a widow.

20 wasted minutes

Blog Instead of being asleep at 11:20 on 6 April 2006, kitt created this:

How is it that I do laundry every day, yet every morning when I'm getting dressed, I can't find any clean underwear?

Kris has a billion pairs of clean underwear, and at least a kabillion pairs of clean socks. But I spend twenty minutes every morning trying to find a single pair of undies for myself.

26 times

Blog Yeah, kitt finished writing this at 23:22 on 2 February 2006

“I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. Lost more than 300 games. 26 times I was trusted to take the game winning shot and failed. I have failed over and over again and that is why I succeed.”

~ Michael Jordan, Nike Commercial

Clearly he loves me

Blog Written with a loving hand by kitt some time around 11:45 on 2 February 2006

I just realized the depth of Kris' love for me.

For whatever reason that I haven't quite determined yet, when I play ulitmate hard, I lose my toenails. They fall off, I can play pain free for a while. They grow back, get jammed, and fall off again. It's been the cycle for several years now. Annoying, but I deal with it.

Usually when they start to fall off, I'll trim them as close as I can, because they rarely come off cleanly.

This last time, however, the toenail from the big toe was fully jammed, and after a couple weeks, came cleanly off my toe. I was in Kris' bathroom when I pulled it off, and left it on the counter. Yeah, yeah, yeah, normally I throw them away, but the trashcan in Kris' bathroom is in an awkward place, and I, no doubt, was distracted by the topside of my new toe.

When looking for something this morning, I looked on Kris' shelves. Much to my surprise, I found that last toenail, all shrivelled, yellow and icky.

Kris had moved it from the counter to some place safer in case I wanted that toenail. He had saved it for me, in the midst of cleaning.

Clearly, I haven't begun to probe the depths of that man's love for me.

So that you don't?

Blog Yeah, kitt finished writing this at 00:15 on 14 January 2006

"Why does burned hair smell so bad?"

"Maybe to tell you not to burn it?"