life

No. No. No. No. No.

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No, you can't watch television. No, you can't have the motorcycle bike. No you can't take that home with you. No, you can't stay up. No, I'm not getting up yet, go back to sleep. No, you can't have the Thing punching hands and smashing feet. Stop that. Don't pull on the dog like that. No, you can't have ice cream until you finish your sandwich. Put that down. Don't run at the pool. Don't dive into the pool. Don't step on my tomato plants. Please don't do that. That doesn't go there.

How do we grow up to be (mostly) normal people?

I remember when I was small and received a "No." when I asked to stay the night at a friend's house. Actually, I don't recall if I was staying at my cousin's for Christmas Eve or wanting to stay over at a fellow Brownie's house after a Girl Scout retreat. I do remember calling Mom on the "No," and answering, "You always say no, even when there's no reason."

I caught Mom off guard and she reversed her no into a yes.

Being with Sam these last few days, I have to admit the first word of most of my sentences is "No." Granted, I think some are perfectly legitimate noes: "No, you can't take my dog home with you." But some are either knee-jerk or for my convenience, not because I have any true valid reason to say no.

Are most parents this way?

At one point today, Sam pulled a deck of cards from under the coffee table and asked, "Can I have these?" For the last three days, "Can I have this?" has been a near-constant question from his mouth. If that kid received everything he asked for, he'd be a one-man landfill. I'm completely shocked at how unbelievably effective big media is at getting this small person to desire completely unneeded items.

See above reference to "No." associated with the Fantastic Four's Thing's Smashing Feet™.

So when Sam asked for the deck of cards, and I recalled the other 11 packs sitting in my office closet, well, that one was easy. "Sure!"

But, apparently not for Sam.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"I can have them?"

"Yes."

"To take home?"

"Yes."

"My home?"

"Yes."

Apparently I had said, "No." so many times he couldn't quite believe his ears.

I have more money than anyone in the world

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Sam, while holding his $5.37, "Back home, I have more than anyone in the world.

Whoops.

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Um, well, that was a little unexpected.

I wandered over to the Blogher Conference website and discovered my site is listed on the left hand side blogroll. The name for my blog is incorrect, but it's still listed.

Whoops.

You can watch this

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Sam: "I want to take this with us."

Me: "Okay."

"If there is a bench, you can sit and watch it."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because I want to play."

"Well, I want to play, too."

"But I don't want it to get stealed." (Yeah, I'm sure he meant stolen.)

"Well, I want to play, too. I don't want to sit around watching your stuff while you play. That's not fair."

"Oh."

Long pause.

"I guess I don't want to take it."

My thought? "Damn straight."

Why don't you go to Walmart?

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"Can we go to Walmart to look for a Big Wheel?"

"I don't go to Walmart."

Sam looks at me incredulously. "Why don't you go to Walmart?"

"Because Walmart contributes heavily to the destruction of the American manufacturing industry."

"Huh?"

"You know how Walmart always has 'the lowest prices'?"

He eyes me suspiciously.

"Yeah?"

"Well, they do that by forcing American manufacturers to provide them with lower prices that they "can pass along to the consumer," while still maintaining their own profits. The manufacturer is forced to cut costs to the point of profit loss for themselves, thereby then forcing them to look overseas for manufacturing, causing lost jobs and lower wages for Americans. WalMart also forces the manufacturers that stay with them to use non-standard accounting and inventory practices that they develop for their internal systems, causing the small manufacturer additional costs to comply with the behemoth's requests. And, they also fail to provide living wages, employee benefits or equal opportunity.

Oh, and the quality of merchandise is poor."

Long pause.

"I guess we'll have to go to the mall."

Die!

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Die!

Die!

Die!

Die! Die! Die!

Die, evil doer!

Die!

Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie!

Kris: That's an awful lot of death for someone so young.

Me: Yeah.

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