Understanding What I Don't Understand by Looking Inward / Backward


I almost feel I should have a new category here called "Things I understand why I don't understand." There are a lot of things that affect my life directly that I just do not understand. Almost all of them center around people. I'm not the only person who doesn't understand most other people.

As for the things I understand why I don't understand, however, my first entry would be the results of pondering why people sleep with their bedroom doors closed.

For the longest time, the fact that people sleep with their doors closed puzzled me. Mom sleeps with her door closed. Jonathan would close the bedroom door at night even when the boys weren't around. Kris closes his bedroom door these days, though I don't recall if we closed it in the Before Era. I doubt it though. I'd win that argument, as I sleep with my bedroom door open. Closing a bedroom door, why would you?

The why bugged me like one of those niggling things that exist, but one doesn't really pay attention to.

Until one does.

Instead of wondering why everyone else closes their bedroom doors at night, last night I considered why I actively do not close my door, why I need that door open.

And I realized, most people do not grow up with a sibling with health problems that, if you are not able to hear their distress and come rescue them, they will die.

Okay, let's look at this realization from an adults perspective, and not from a child's perspective. Said sibling likely wasn't going to die. Per se.

Taking from a child's perspective, however, things change. That one time, as a small child, your door was open, and you heard sounds from the other room. With the moonlight streaming in from the faceted windows in your bedroom, you walked to the door and across the hall, where you heard your brother thrashing in his bed. You hurried downstairs, woke your parents, who then rushed upstairs to find your brother, what? From the child's perspective, something very bad. The brother ended up in the hospital. You didn't see him for days (FOREVER it seems). You had to explain what happened to your teachers, his teachers, they were the same people.

And so, the door stays open. You don't sleep with the bedroom door closed.

Something Might Happen™.

Okay, sure college dorm doors are closed. And the doors close when you don't want your roommate to walk in on something fun happening. And the hotel room doors are always closed. And when your host tells you, "Close your door, otherwise the dog may eat all your underwear," well, okay, you close the door then, too.

But normally, that door is open. I understand why I sleep with my door open.

After the pondering, I somewhat understand why everyone else doesn't. I understand why I don't understand [this thing at least].



Before an afternoon walk today, I looked at my phone to see the local temperature. Was I going to need a jacket? If so, which one?

I opened up the weather app, and saw this:

And realized, I had no idea what jacket I need for 61°. Was that the cotton hoodie or synthetic fleece temperature? Maybe wasn't either?

I had to flip the units back over to Celsius to see it was 16° out, and oh, right, no jacket needed for a walk, grab the cotton hoodie if I'll be stationary for a bit.

I can't say I was expecting to lose Fahrenheit this quickly. Next up, losing miles.

My Normal Breakfast These Days


I've been doing an okay job at not eating sugar this last week. Not perfect, not great, but an okay job.

I'm also doing an okay job at a nominally Whole30 diet. Not perfect, not great, but also not bad. The lack of protein sources outside of eggs and animal flesh that is doing me in there. I really do not want to be eating cows and pigs and chickens for every meal.

I've been doing a FANTASTIC job at no alcohol, actually. Perfect, one would say. That one is still the easiest one to give up. Chocolate, not really. Alcohol, yup.

While I intended to start a Whole30 thirty days yesterday, and again today when I missed yesterday (having missed it in retrospect, not at the moment), now seems the best time to start actually. Rather than waiting until tomorrow morning to start, now is fine.

Best time to plant a tree and all that.



Jonathan and I had a lovely chat this morning. We don't talk as much as we used to talk, I miss his voice, him, which causes me to appreciate these conversations more.

Today he was talking about the delicious cup of coffee he had made. Talk about bringing vicarious joy to me!

I have often lamented my dislike of coffee. The only good coffee, I assert, is muted in tiramisu. In other words, with lots of sugar and lots of cream.

What I do like a lot, however, is Jonathan's like (love?) of good coffee and his ongoing enthusiasm for the drink. I love how coffee houses became our way of exploring new cities, and old ones alike. Often the coffee houses would have tea, sometimes not. They would always be a destination, multiple destinations, that enabled us to find new areas, to walk to new destinations, to expand our knowledge of our temporary home.

Jonathan had recently been to a Starbucks downtown, and, hooboy, was awful he said. It was like milk and sugar with essence of espresso, that they had forgotten to add the coffee. Explained, he said, why Matthew often asks for quad shots with his order, just to have a coffee flavor. "Is that," Jonathan went on, "two double shots, or four double shots?"

"Something like a double double?" I asked,

Oh, no, to be sure. A double double in Canada is not, as one might expect, a double stacked cheeseburger. It is, instead, a coffee with two creams and two sugars. Now, tell me, how did I live in Canada for years and not know this?

Right, not a coffee drinker.

One of the reasons that I wish I were a coffee drinker, aside from the plentiful coffee houses, is the mouth feel I imagine coffee has. I might be imagining that the mouth feel of coffee is different, heavier, than tea. I've taken to adding cream to a cup of tea in the morning, the cream definitely changes the flavor and mouth feel, more like what I think coffee has.

My comment about coffee's mouth feel prompted Jonathan to share James Hoffman's video, Crema Explained video, which goes into details about the foamy stuff that is deemed A Good Thing™. Jonathan commented that crema is considered "good" in espresso circles, but James goes into the deets about how, well, some things are for show, and not necessarily done to make the coffee taste better.

Like many things, done for show.

A lovely chat.

Good Drinks

Book Notes

Invisible Women

Book Notes