Long torsos are in!


I have a long torso. Short legs and a long torso.

I first discovered this fact when I was in high school. I was over at Jenny's house, having a water balloon fight, when her dad, Ken, took a bunch of pictures of us. We were clearly having a grand time with these water balloons (I'm pretty sure Jenny crushed me in that fight, she was much better with her aim than I with mine), based on the pictures.

One of the pictures was a view of me from behind, arm outstretched above my head, launching a balloon in Jenny's direction. I was wearing a black swimsuit in the fashion of the time: a one piece with a low cut back and high cut legs. I had my back to the camera, which is what I noticed first in the pictures, and what I still remember to this day, decades later.

I was hunched over in my throw, with my back accentuated. Even without the accentuation, all you could see was my back. Back back back. I was all torso, no legs. I wish I were exaggerating. I'm not. My inseam is shorter than my torso by many inches. Why can I twist and put my feet behind my neck? Because my torso is so freaking long.

There are a few people I've met over the years with the same affliction. Richard Reid at Tech was the first one who completely commiserated with me on the long torso (his inseam was as short as a classmate who was 8" shorter than he was). Recently, I've commiserated with Keebler, whose back and legs have similar proportions to mine.

Today, while at shopping with Mom, I was helped by a sales guy wearing his pants in the modern style of crotch-by-the-knees. He was wearing a tie. He had his dress shirt tucked into his pants. His pant's crotch was about two-thirds of the way to his knees.

As he turned away from me, I realized that this particular look extends the visible length of his torso. Since he already had a long torso, the man looked ALL torso.

I had to chuckle when I realized that my body is now in the height of fashion. My attempts at hiding my long torso with long waisted pants that make my legs look longer (while giving me the flattest butt ever) are no longer needed, as I am now the definition of fashion.

Now, about that crotch height...