Last night, as I was sitting in the villa, the weather outside not particularly interesting (not cold, but not Florida hot, and continued windy), I continued to work on my valiant attempt at stats taking. I was inputting some of the game data in hopes I could actually trust the program to work tomorrow, when a teammate came into the villa and sat down next to me.
He sat on the chair arm and asked what I was working on, since I wasn't outside at the beach with the rest of the team. I sat up and leaned forward to show him what I was working on, how the input mechanism worked, and what I was changing, when he leaned into me for a better angle to the laptop screen.
Except it wasn't just a let-me-see lean. It was more than that.
It was a "hey, I like you" sort of lean, where you can't really admit the attraction, because if you admit the attraction, then all sorts of other emotions come tumbling out behind the admission and one if not both of you are left standing there, feeling quite a bit uncomfortable.
Except for when one or both of you don't.
When, instead, the other person leans back, because that person is attracted, too, and won't ever admit it, either.
I miss the touch of others. Not in a sexual way, but in a hey, I'm still here, I'm still alive, I'm warm, you're warm sort of way. In college, hugs were fine, shoulder rubs were common, there wasn't anything necessarily romantic or promising per se about walking arm-in-arm with a friend. Ultimate has some of that, sure, but less so with the elite teams, and way less so the less you know your teammates. One of my teammates jumped up and yelled at me when I went to rub his shoulders two years ago. I think that's the last time I initiated shoulder rubs for more than a fly-by without being specifically asked to start rubbing.
But I miss it. I miss the warm touch of others.
Sure, I get Kris.
Yet, I still don't get enough of him, either.