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Monochromatic Green Bear


Years and years ago, in elementary art class, we were learning about shades of colors.

In particular, given hue, saturation, and value, no, wait, the hue, saturation, and luminosity, no, no, hue, saturation, and lightness, crap, hue, saturation, and vibrance, shit my commas are all over the place, hue, saturation, and vibrancy, huh, hue, saturation, and vibrancy, I ded, hue saturation and intensit, aw, f--- it, tints along with black paint and white paint, we could create monochromatic colors and art with them.

I chose yellow as my tint color.

I know, I know, you are SHOCKED I chose yellow. I also chose to paint a horse. It was a lovely painting, earning my lowest score for art, and my only B ever in art. Why? Black and yellow make olive green. I didn't want olive green in my artwork, I wanted yellow. So, I used the yellow tint as my darkest colors and white as my lightest colors, and didn't mix any black into my paints. This constituted a failure in the eyes of my art teacher, and so, a B.

Jessica, on the other hand, used green. When she was trying to decide what color to use, I said green. So she painted a green bear. She painted a monochromatic green bear painting. That painting sat on her parents mantle for a long time. She never let me forget that she painted a monochromatic green bear on my suggestion. I do not believe she actually liked the painting she made.

Which is a shame, because here's the thing:

I love her monochromatic green bear painting. It is a fantastic work of art. I would happily, willingly, delightfully frame and hang that monochromatic green bear painting in my house, and tell the story of how my elementary school best friend painted it.

Here's the other thing. I believe she believed I was trolling her.

I wasn't, but I do believe she thinks I was.

This whole thing come to mind today as I was asking Jonathan for app colors and he answered, "Royal Purple."

Cue record player needle screech sound.

He didn't actually mean the royal purple I was thinking of, and I'm not quite sure he's not trolling me, but here are my app's colors:

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