As a teenager (or maybe younger), when you hosted your first party, did you have the fear that no one would come?

I can't actually say I ever had that fear specifically. However, I feel like it now. The first night of MPUL, which unfortunately was pickup because I couldn't get the draft done (because not enough people signed up, dammit), only 11 people came. Not enough for a game. Enough that I feel like I messed up big time.

Sigh.

So, I'm totally stressing out this morning. I had just found out the changes to code I had made last night completely borked the product, and the client was unhappy that he couldn't test the software, and I'm getting ready for lunch with Heidi, who I haven't seen in ages, and I'm already going to be last, but I have to see if I can fix the problem because we have a meeting at two and there will be other people there, including Mike, who calls at that exact instant of my stress to see what's up and I totally break down and start cursing at the code that's not even doing a POST correctly so that Mike says I sound exasperated, did I want him to look at it, and the dogs are in the bed, sleeping, but I have to dash so I leave and head out and arrive late which is bad because Heidi's time is really pressed, and I can't find her and then she shows up and we have lunch and I had off to the meeting and as I'm walking up to the office, I'm still stressing because this just sucks and ...

The sun hits my face.

It's warm. And pleasant. And at that moment, I am very happy to be alive.

And the meeting wasn't so bad after all.

I was recently talking (emailing back & forth, actually), with a good friend * of mine. He's one of those good people who have always been in my life - you know, the ones who you can't remember your life before they entered it. He commented that, at some point, he'd like to write his "life story" for a personal reflection. We both shuddered at the "life story" bit (how monumental and overwhelming the task of writing one's life down onto paper (or pixels)!).

However, he did point out that since the goal would be personal reflection, and not entertainment of others, few people outside his immediate family would be interested in reading his story.

I disagreed and still disagree.

So much history has been lost. I know precious little about my grandparents, even less about more distant relatives. Perhaps their lives were boring. I suspect not. I think I would probably find similarities between the internal struggles I face and the ones they faced, too. The details may be different, but the conflict is most likely the same.

A watershed moment happened for me a few weeks back. The personal evolution that has happened since that moment may not mean much to anyone but me. But knowing how I was before that moment makes me appreciate more the time after that moment. I doubt I would have the perspective without the ramblings of this site/blog/journal.

Even without the specific personal reflections.

* That link may not be good quite yet. It's a gift to my friend for Christmas and he may not have started it yet.

Last week, I received an email from an SBUL player (SBUL, whose season started a month ago), asking if his SBUL registration could be switched to an MPUL registration:

From: Said SBUL player
To: Kitt Hodsden
Date: Fri, 19 Nov 2004 12:14:18 -0800
Subject: Re: [SFUC] MPUL Winter League 2004-2005

Is there any chance of "switching" from the SB to the MP? I assume that there
is a wait list for SB, and I'd love a higher quality game, and my dog ate
the homework, and

Since the leagues are separate leagues (my name happens to be associated with both of them, I only nominally run SBUL), I responded this week saying no:

To: Said SBUL player
Subject: Re: [SFUC] MPUL Winter League 2004-2005

{Said SBUL Player},

> Is there any chance of "switching" from the SB to the MP?
> I assume that there is a wait list for SB, and I'd love a
> higher quality game, and my dog ate the homework, and

Although my name is listed on both leagues, they are quite
separate. So, no, not really any chance. Sorry.

Kitt.

About 20 minutes after I told this guy no, the SBUL organizers get this email:

To: organizers
From: Said SBUL player
Subject: [SBUL:organizers] (maybe not so) wierd request

I signed up for SBUL because the MPUL were flaking and not so sure that it would happen. Then they cam e to life, and my firends signed me up as a core member of their team. It's not that I don't like the SBUL, it's really fun and lowkey. Perfect for the winter. But could I "sell" my spot to somebody on t he wait list so that I can switch over to the other league? I'm sure you're aware that they play at th e same time so doing both would end up screweing teamates in both leagues.

What is this guy thinking?!? Mom said no, so let me go ask Dad? He hasn't even signed up for MPUL, in the first place. In the second place, when he does, does he really think I'll just say, hey, it's okay if you insult me, I'll let you play anyway.

Go find your own damned fields, asshole.

And learn to spell weird.

I'm pretty much not able to eat enough food, and it's starting to frustrate me. As part of my training program I'm eating as much as I can. Literally. If I can eat, I do. I have pooped more in one day (I'm averaging 3-4 times a day for the last week) than I ever pooped in a single day before (the goldfish story excluded).

Kris says give it time: eventually, my body will adjust to the additional nutrition requirements and extra food, and process it accordingly. Until then, 4 poops a day.

The worst part is that I don't know if I'm getting the correct requirements for food. Am I getting enough protein? Vitamins? Iron? I have no idea. I wish I knew.

From http://www.physsportsmed.com/issues/1996/04_96/protein.htm

How much protein do athletes need?

There isn't an exact number for athletes because protein needs vary, depending on whether an athlete is growing, rapidly building new muscle, doing endurance exercise, or dieting, in which case protein is used as a source of energy (table 1). Protein requirements for athletes are higher than the current recommended dietary allowance (RDA) of 0.4 g of protein per pound of body weight, which is based on the needs of nonexercisers. Protein recommendations for athletes are commonly expressed in a range to include a safety margin (2). If you do the math (1g of protein has 4 calories), you'll see that you don't need to have 30% of your calories come from protein.

Table 1. Recommended Grams of Protein Per Pound of Body Weight Per Day*
RDA for sedentary adult	0.4
Adult recreational exerciser	0.5-0.75
Adult competitive athlete	0.6-0.9
Adult building muscle mass	0.7-0.9
Dieting athlete	0.7-1.0
Growing teenage athlete	0.9-1.0
*To find your daily protein requirement, multiply the appropriate numbers in this table by your weight in pounds.