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Charlotte webbed us


So, after spending much of the evening putting in new flooring in the kitchen (yeah, more on that), I wandered into the bathroom slightly exhausted and wanting, well, to pee. Fairly simple need, and I was heading in the right direction.

I turned on the light, walked two feet into the bathroom, and smack into a tiny spider hovering at eye-level from the ceiling. "Gaaaaah!*" was about as coherent as I could be as I jumped backwards towards the way I had come in, looking down as I attempted to keep my balance.

As I glanced down, I noticed another tiny spider, the same size as the first one which had just ambushed me.

"Gah!*" I called out again.

Fortunately, Kris speaks fluent frantic wife, and called out to ask what was going on in the next room over.

Looking up, I saw another tiny spider on the wall next to the door, eyes on me as it readied its little legs to pounce on me as I brushed past on my way back out of the room.

My hands flicked on the light switch and I glanced up. No fewer than four spiders were happily circling the top of the door, eyes on the bigg tasty morsel that must be bringing curds or maybe whey to the feast.

"GAAAAAAAH!*" I called out, taking the last step back out the bathroom, and catching my breath as my heart started slowing from the race pace it had leapt to.

"What?!?" I heard from the other room. "What is it?"

"CHARLOTTE!" I called back. "She just webbed all over us!"


I looked around.

"What does that mean?" Kris asked, eyes still glued to the screen as Furrow Pumpkin Farm drifted across his screen in a simulated rain.

"It means, we have a hundred baby spiders in our bathroom! And they just attacked me!"

"Attacked, huh?"


"Right. And you're going to do what?"

"Come back in, all guns blazing!"

"You do that."

Gathering up my courage, I returned back to the bathroom, a damp tissue in hand and began squishing the spiders. For each one I squished, two more dropped from the ceiling in a rush. They were on the sink, and the tub; on the mirror and on the toilet; they were on the wall and on the window. I swear, all of Charlotte's eggs burst at once (because, well, that's what they're supposed to do and all).

It wasn't long before the toilet bowl was full of tissues and spider carcasses, and still they dropped down onto my neck, onto my arms, and under my feet. Do you know how hard it is to kill an attacking swarm of spiders without having the hairs on the back of your neck stand up and your body cover in goosebumps, just knowing they're all gunning for you?

It's hard!


After a couple dozen spider deaths, I gave up. They'd be gone by morning, scattered throughout the house where I could kill them in one-on-one combat, none of this swarming business. Or, if they were smart, they'd sneak out the open window while their bodies were still small enough to fit through the screen mesh.

We'll see how well they do without their siblings to help them out.


One just dropped from my hair onto my keyboard!

*Editor's note: "gah" is short for "f---". Just saying is all.

Spider 1

Spiders 46 and 47

Spider 37

spider 2

spider 6

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