Wait, My Book Reviews Are What?
Blog Instead of being asleep at 07:42 on 18 March 2018, kitt created this:How am I realizing only now that my book reviews aren't really book reviews, they are stories about how I came upon said book, what I thought about the book, and where the book is on my book review scale, followed by quotes from the book? I don't give plot summaries, that's what EVERY OTHER BOOK REVIEW IS FOR. I'm not a fan of spoilers, though I do skip to the end of nearly every suspenseful book I read.
How is NOW when I realize this?
The End
Blog Instead of being asleep at 15:19 on 12 March 2018, kitt created this:Years ago, I auditioned for my school's variety show, as a one-person stand-up act. I didn't manage to secure a solo spot, but I was invited to participate as the girl-who-auditioned-and-fell-in-lust-with-the-cute-guy-also-auditioning intro girl for another act. I came onto the stage "practicing" my script, then spun around all gushing about this boy who was also at the auditions. Interestingly, I was carrying a box of chocolates in a Valentine box for him. As luck would have it, he walked across the stage towards me, saw me, then broke into song, as I wandered around the stage swooning at him. I have no idea how well I swooned.
That time on stage, however, was the end of my acting career.
Some things have natural endings, like my acting career. Some things continue beyond their peak in a bad way. Very, very few people have the wisdom to go out on top. Even rarer are the things that surprise us by continuing in a good and surprisingly wonderful way.
I believe this site has come to its natural end. If not a full stop, at least a long hiatus. It has given me an outlet when I needed it, and a place to remember after I spent years, decades, trying to forget. I expect I'll find another place to write, but this particular site has reached its end.
There are, as far as I can tell, three people who read what I post here, and none of my family are in those three. To you, my loyal three readers, there are more interesting places to be on the Intarwebs. Adventure is out there!
The end.
You Need A Budget
Book Notes Written with a loving hand by kitt some time around 20:37 on 7 March 2018Okay, this is the book that goes with the YNAB budgeting website. Kristin recommended the site to me at some point in the last year or so, strongly recommended, and I have since recommended it to other people who have had some level of monetary stress (where "some level" is greater than zero). This book came out in December of last year, though I hadn't picked it up from the library until last week.
The website that describes the different approach to budgeting, and handholds you through the process is at https://www.youneedabudget.com/ with the guides at https://www.youneedabudget.com/guides
So, you know that I'm not giving anything away by saying YNAB has four rules (since they are right on the website):
1. Starting with the money you have right now (not the paycheck coming up, not the invoice you sent, what you have right now), Give Every Dollar A Job.
2. Don't be all wishful thinking and hopeful and "this month I will be good with my money," Embrace Your True Expenses
3. Accept that you are human and that life is unpredictable, Roll With The Punches
4. See how long you can hold on to your money, make it a game, and Age Your Money.
The shift in thinking is goooooooooood. Doing the exercises, setting all of this up, is haaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrd. . I believe the process is worth it. I liked the chapters on budgeting as a couple and teaching kids how to budget, which is more than a bit ironic.
This book is everything that I expected to be, which is awesome. I believe adopting the strategies in the book will change your life. If you can't check the book out from the library (my library had a 14 week waiting list), let me buy you a copy.
You haven’t failed at budgeting, you’ve adapted with the best of them.
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That cruise is a pipe dream if you don’t know where you stand with the basics that make you a functioning member of society.
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Write down all of the places your money needs to go. Focus on payments you’re obligated to make to keep your life running. Think food and shelter, loans, school payments, and any necessary work expenses(for example, an Internet connection if you work from home, commuting costs, etc.).
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To start, make sure you’re separating honest-to-goodness obligations from habits disguised as necessities. It can be hard to distinguish between the two at times.
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So try this: Imagine your future self having done each thing on your list. Which feels better? Seeing the kids and their friends enjoying the yard? Bike riding through Amsterdam as a family?
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The sense of security knowing you’re helping with college? Or imagine your future self explaining to a good friend why you chose one over the other. Does it feel right?
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Maybe you spend more than the “recommended percentage” on rent, but you also don’t own a car and you bike to work. Boom: car insurance, car payments, fuel, and gym memberships have no place in your budget. This is just one way that cookie-cutter advice rarely works.
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Lifestyle creep is when the cost of your lifestyle rises in tandem with your income.
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Once a year (I like to do this in January), question every one of your expenses. Question the “givens” like housing, transportation, and insurance. Question the vacations you always take, the gifts you always buy, and the food you always eat. Every single item should be on the table.
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Rule One hierarchy: Take care of your immediate obligations first — a roof over your head, food, for you and your family, and bills like electric and heat that mean bad things if you don’t pay them.
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Then move to the true expenses. These are large, irregular expenses that surprise you(you know the feeling) but really shouldn’t.
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What are your highest priorities after your obligations?
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The question stops being "Can I afford this?" You can likely afford lots of things if you have the cash on hand, but that’s not the point. You’re now asking yourself, “Does this move me closer to my goal(s)?”
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You may not like the truth, but you’ll be better off.
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Budgeting forces you to make decisions you’d otherwise avoid when you think you’re steeped in cash. You need this clarity on a variable income, or else the agony of your low-income months will be so much worse than the joy that comes with big payments.
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Predictable expenses aren’t frequent but we know exactly when they’ll hit and how much they’ll cost.
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Unpredictable but inevitable expenses are things like car repairs, impulse donations,
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Whether you’re dodging blows or coming up with your game plan, you’re always strategizing, adapting, and working to accomplish a big goal. You wouldn’t think of just standing there. And like any challenging activity, you’ll do your best only if you take care of yourself in the process. That means being kind to yourself when you need it, sticking to your values, and staying focused on the big picture.
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If a budget sounds worse to you than talking about money on its own, hang with me. It really does help. On a very basic level, it’s much easier to talk about your money when it’s through the lens of a budget. Now it’s not about your debt or my debt, my spending or your spending. It’s about how it all works within the budget. The budget is like a neutral third party that keeps the conversation grounded in reality.
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If you’re struggling to convince your partner that budgeting is important, be sure you’re very clear on what you mean by “budgeting.” Nobody will be micromanaged or put on a leash. The point is to actually feel free and empowered. Budgeting together will mean you’re working together to achieve your shared goals — not your goals for your partner. You’re asking him to budget with you because you want him to have a voice in what happens with your money. Not the other way around.
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Your idea of peace may involve freedom to order takeout most nights so you don’t have to worry about cooking. Your partner may look forward to cooking each evening as a way to unwind.
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You can use your first budget date to explore Rule Zero in three ways: what’s most important to you as an individual, what’s important to your partner, and what you value together as a couple. These will evolve into your budget priorities, because when you’re budgeting as a couple, your budget will have three sets of priorities: yours, mine, and ours.
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The only way to reveal all those priorities is to talk. Think big. Be open. Share your hopes and concerns. These conversations do end up looking a lot like first date material, only now you don’t have to worry as much about scaring the other person away.
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Assumptions will get in the way if you aren’t clear with each other about what’s important to you as an individual, and which goals you share as a couple. It’s too easy to assume that your priorities are the same as mine. Or that our priorities are always more important than mine. These quiet assumptions are what make budgeting as a couple stressful when it absolutely doesn’t have to be.
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You need these sessions to be a safe space where you can talk openly, listen to your partner, and compromise.
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Before each of them started on their debt paydown journey, reaching the end seemed impossible. But they set their goals and put in the work every day, consistently, for a long time.
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The hardest part of teaching my kids to budget was teaching myself to let go. Once the money is theirs I fiercely believe we should not try to manage or control it for them.
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Usually a restart just involves putting away your old budget and starting a new one. Simply looking at all of your money as a clean slate, nothing attached to any jobs, is a powerful exercise.
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Green Sand Beach
Daily Photo kitt decided around 16:26 on 3 March 2018 to publish this:There are four of them in the world, made from olivine being ground up into smaller and smaller pieces. Really neat!
Warcross
Book Notes Instead of being asleep at 17:26 on 1 March 2018, kitt created this:I have no idea how this book came to my awareness. If I had to guess, it was mentioned a number of times on Bookriot, causing me to go, "Hey, science fiction recommended by several people? Okay!" Or something like that.
I enjoyed this book. It had a number of eye-rolling technology descriptions, most notibly the "I can debug things that take mere mortals three weeks to debug, just be unfocusing my eyes and staring at the whole" idea of debugging. Good viruses take weeks if not years to decode, making the idea that someone can unfocus her vision and See The Bad Guy™ an absurd notion.
That said, I love the whole Black Swan aspect of the plot: that someone can glitch into the system with a hack, and end up being invited to the big leagues. I love the idea that merit is worth notice, that it isn't who you know or what hands you've bribed to get to the top. It appeals to the 12 year old girl in me.
I enjoyed the book. The ending, however, had me crying out, "No!" with its abruptness. I'll read the sequel, no way I'll be left hanging on this one. It's a cute Sci-Fi / Virtual Reality book.
Death has a terrible habit of cutting straight through every careful line you’ve drawn between your present and your future.
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Everyone has a different way of escaping the dark stillness of their mind.
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My contented mood wavers, and abruptly I have a sensation of unbelonging.
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“I thought that was just some science fiction myth.” “Everything’s science fiction until someone makes it science fact,” Hideo says.
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I bet I’ll be the last one picked.” Ziggy just gives me a good-hearted laugh and pats my shoulder. “What is that saying? Never say never?” she replies. “Besides. Do you remember one year when that player—Leeroy something—actually got drafted into the Stormchasers, even though he always just charged in and messed up his entire team’s play? My God, he was terrible.”
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And no one goes into the Dark World unless they’re doing something illegal.
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Hideo shakes his head. “I like to keep my home real. It’s too easy to lose yourself in an illusion,” he replies, nodding at his physical book.
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His emotions crash against mine, roiling into one, and he is undone in this moment, the reserved, distant, proper version of him stripped away to reveal the part that is unthinking and savage.
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I nod, as if in a dream, as if I can’t stop taking this drug. “Yes.”
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“You remind me of myself from several years ago,” she says. “I always offered help—but I refused to accept any. My mother scolded me about that. Do you know what she told me? When you refuse to ask for help, it tells others that they also shouldn’t ask for help from you. That you look down on them for needing your help. That you like feeling superior to them. It’s an insult, Emi, to your friends and peers. So don’t be like that. Let us in.”
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Why would anyone give up the perfect fantasy reality just because they have to give up their freedom? What’s the point of freedom if you’re just living in a miserable reality?
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